All posts tagged “Reflection

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AM I A SHITTY FRIEND?

About a decade ago, I met someone I had a lot in common with so I wasn’t surprised when we became friends but then, something super weird happened. She wanted to talk to me every single day. We were classmates so I talked to her before and after class, hung out a few times during the week, texted and talked on the phone, every day. Yes, it was that horrific! I was so overwhelmed that I confided in my mother.

Me: Mom, she wants to talk to me every single day, I am so confused.

Mom: Girl, it’s because you are friends!

I was bewildered and to be quite honest, reliving this moment is triggering. Also, I am 72 percent sure this story has nothing to do with this post.

Leave it to Facebook to ignite a spiral of internal thoughts (but mostly overthinking) that led me to ask myself: Why don’t I have lasting friendships? For the last 50 years (actually, I’m only 32), I blamed everyone else but I think I’ve reached a point in my very mature life that I can confirm that I may share some of the blame but probably not.

The older I get, the more I am attracted to people who share the same award-winning traits as me. Not surprisingly, I don’t see the purpose of establishing close bonds with people who don’t share those same traits, “values,” lifestyle and even political beliefs. What’s worse, I often hold people to the same standards I hold myself which my cousin (hey Karen) and I deem unfair but guess what? Life is not fair.

I have tons of seasonal friendships, the kind when one is super close then not but this isn’t necessarily my fault or a bad thing. Life happens but I am attempting to do better. For example, I list people I need to check in with via call (the horror) or text, in my planner. Side Note: Aprill, Jessica, Chariece and Ashley, I am texting you right after I publish this post.

I often lack empathy and hold grudges. I am sure that I have been a grudge-holder since birth. If your name is Ashley and you are light skin and went to Saint John Berchman for pre-school in 1989, I am still mad at your punkass for pinching me on several occasions. I am fairly certain that you have grown to be a terror to your community. So yeah, that basically illustrates I have never been a forgiving person. I will hate you for the remainder of your life, my life, future lives, past lives, bloodlines and pets. I am revisiting this cardinal rule because in most instances, it’s not that serious (except for Ashley). I am chipping at this and think I should be ready to turn a new leaf in about 56 to 82 years.

I do want to note that I do have several friends I talk to daily, and occasionally we see each other! We talk about politics and pop culture, family and friends behind their backs, we give each other terrible advice, and complain about our coworkers and jobs well, all except me. I just started my job and obviously I love it just in case anyone from my job cyberstalked me and found my blog. So, where do I go from here? Obviously, I am accepting applications for additional friends and yes there is an application fee. Anyway, have you been a shitty friend and why? Do you plan on changing or will you remain shitty like the friends I tried to talk about this with. Now that I think about it, maybe it’s not me. Yeah, it’s totally everyone else.

I am such a good noodle.

Side note: No, I’m no longer friends with the girl I talked about earlier in the post, we got into a Facebook fight. If you’re reading this, I just want to say I accept your apology. And to Ashley, f*** you!

Read and share this post, follow me on most platforms @pinkgumbeaux, and read my last (and very old post) Everything But Essence

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