All posts tagged “Pink Gumbeaux

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33-YEARS OLD, HAS S*** TOGETHER. HERE’S HOW!

I turned 33 on October 12th and almost instantly, I had my shit together.

Just kidding, clickbait.

Per tradition, I reflect on the previous year and set goals for the next year. Obviously, becoming Baby Gumbeaux’s mom and adjusting to motherhood was the biggest event of the year. To compliment that adjustment, I resigned from every organization and board, with the exemption of PTA . My true calling (Read: 10-Months-Old, Parties Like a Rockstar & Does Not Care If We Get Sleep). As a result, I am spending my time the way I want. Well, with the exception of the time I spend working for the man. Anyway, I have more time to focus on family and my personal goals which include, but are not limited to:

Not complaining. Complaining about being in Jackson, lack of advancement in my career, not being able to find a foundation to match my skin tone, etc. Now, I am only discussing what I want and taking action which often includes balancing a shitload of stuff, because I want to accomplish a shitload of things. To compliment this change, I recite affirmations every morning but then I found out Baby Gumbeaux was slapping her classmates for touching her hair and bib so I started reciting them with her, on the way to school. Naturally, we started including Husband Gumbeaux or should I call him Daddy Gumbeaux? Zaddy Gumbeaux?

Launching my podcast entitled Jxn Transplants. Now, I get to be honest about my struggle to adjust and know there are other transplants who relate. It also gives a ton of recommendations to transplants, Jacksonians, and even people who want to visit Jackson. Apparently, that is a thing.

Taking pictures more often. Not for you weirdos, in general. I detest taking pictures. I don’t know how to pose, my eyes are usually closed, terrible angles; mostly importantly, I don’t like smiling. Thugs don’t smile. I think it’s because I have become increasingly uncomfortable with my body; particularly, after incubation.

Last and least but certainly not least, I have to finish writing my dissertation. I’ve been talking about this for the last few years (I enrolled in the program a year after starting this blog). I have tons of excuses: sick and tired, interested but uninterested, dreams and goals have changed, struggling to find the relevancy of having a PhD, drained, merely thinking about it is exhausting. Actually, I’m going to take a nap.

And, I’m up. Fun fact: I am still paying tuition and have to remain enrolled if I want to finish this very last step. As a result, I will finish. Prayer warriors, reach your hands out to me and help me get through this. I may include you in the acknowledgements. Side note: it’s super annoying when people who have never been enrolled in a doctoral program ask me what’s taking so long. What’s taking so long for you to mind your business? 

Yeah, so… I accept your belated birthday wishes. I am still accepting gifts and money. As stated many times before, my friendship can be bought. Listen to my podcast and tell me I’m doing an awesome job. Read and share my previous post: Fun Facts My Parents (and Grandparents) Don’t Know

Follow me most places @pinkgumbeaux.

Ashlee, out.

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FUN FACTS MY PARENTS (AND GRANDPARENTS) DON’T KNOW!

The names and details have been changed to protect the identity of family and friends who can still get their asses whipped. I stay out-of-state and am willing to take one for the team. Plus, I ain’t never scared but mostly because my mom has a bad memory. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While attempting to get through the work day, I decided to listen to artists and groups I was obsessed with but hadn’t listened to in a while. I started with Dru Hill which resulted in a series of posts:

So if you could not tell by the title, there may be several a few things my parents and grandparents are unaware of.

As a super Christian, my mother didn’t allow me to listen to secular music. Not only did my grandparents buy me Dru Hill’s album but I had Ginuwine (which often included a series of photos; notably, shirtless Ginuwine). What they didn’t buy me (yet I somehow had access to) was Juvenile’s 400 Degreez (which is the ideal temperature for frozen pizza because I like a little crisp). Anyway, this album features what should be the national anthem: Back That Azz Up. Hey Mom, did you know Sister Jennie popped me with a rolled up piece of newspaper for throwing it in a circle at one of my middle school dances? In my defense, I was not the only one twerking but got caught. Typical.

Speaking of throwing it in a circle, I learned to twerk at a very young age from someone who shall remain nameless. Very controversial outside of New Orleans but pretty much the norm there because… Bounce Music. Instructions: Arch your back and pop your butt up and down slowly but forcefully. You will gain speed over time and with practice you may become an expert, middle-aged rump shaker like me. Most of you will never achieve this level of excellence because you don’t have heart. Stay stiff.

Shorty after starting high school, I became a bibliophile overnight. No one questioned it because reading was a constructive habit. It started when a friend suggested I read the Coldest Winter Ever (which I read in 2 days or less). Then, I asked my grandfather if he could start buying me books. He accompanied me to the book store and bought me two books a week from 10th grade to college. What he didn’t know is he wasn’t just paying for teen drama and fantasy. There were some gangsta novels and erotica. I always had Zane’s newest books.

Last but certainly not least is what I like to call “Bible Study and Chill.” In high school, Thursday was bible study night. First, children then adults (I am not sure who came up with such a inconvenient schedule for parents). Anyway, my grandmother stayed near so we (people who shall remain nameless and me) would walk to her house once we were done. Once there, we would invite friends over. Those friends usually included boys we liked. Once adult bible study was done, “the lookout” would call to let us know the adults were on their way. We never got caught.

What’s funny is my uncle was always upstairs but we knew it was unlikely that he would come downstairs, move or even breath. Most of the time, we would be outside talking (which we could’ve done at church) but you know, we wanted to be sneaky and badass (we as in people I won’t mention and me). Since my mom is the only one who reads this blog, I would like to apologize and ask that you wait until after my birthday to snitch. I don’t want this to effect my gifts and your mom making me a sweet potato pie. We all we got.

If you guys liked this post, you’ll be excited about what I reveal in another 15 years! Read and share my previous post: 10-Months-Old, Parties Like a Broke Rockstar & Does Not Care If We Get Sleep. Follow me most places @pinkgumbeaux

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NATIONAL READ A DAMN BOOK DAY

Today is National Read a Damn Book Day and I did a lot of reading (and listening via Audible and hibooks) this summer. Below, is my list of past, current and future reads.

Past Reads

  1. The Hate U Give (awesome book, Jackson native and premieres as a movie in October)
  2. Born A Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood (the author is fine AF, finished this book in a day or so, this needs to be a movie)
  3. The Mother of Black Hollywood: A Memoir (more of the aunty of black Hollywood, very insightful but should’ve been a shorter book)
  4. Barracoon: The Story of the Last “Black Cargo” (must read, left me depressed for a couple of days)
  5. An American Marriage: A Novel (awesome book, hated the narration)
  6. Their Eyes Were Watching God (classic)
  7. In the County We Love: My Family Divided (timely read)
  8. The Power of Positive Thinking (I mailed copies to all my negative family members)
  9. Think and Grow Rich (meh)
  10. Unhinged: An Insider’s Account of the Trump White House (I wanted the tea, she delivered but her narration was horrendous)
  11. The Power of Now: A Guide of Spiritual Enlightenment (double meh)
  12. I Can’t Date Jesus: Love, Sex, Race and Other Reasons I’ve Put My Faith in Beyoncé (this book reflects my thoughts on religion)
  13. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth (half meh)

Current Reads

  1. Steal Like an Artist: 10 Things Nobody Told You About Being Creative (I need to finish this book)
  2. Black Fortunes: The Story of the First Six African Americans Who Escaped Slavery and Became Millionaires (must read or listen)
  3. House of Leaves (this book is over 700 pages, don’t rush me)
  4. The Alchemist (I’ve been reading this book for like 5 years, don’t care if it’s your fav, I am bored)

Future Reads

  1. Crazy Rich Asians
  2. How to be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life
  3. Under Fire: Reporting from the Front Lines of the Trump White House
  4. Beauty Shop Politics: African American Women’s Activism in the Beauty Industry (Women in American History)
  5. Well, That Escalated Quickly: Memoirs and Mistakes of an Accidental Activist
  6. Children of Blood and Bone (Legacy of Orisha) (do not buy audio, narration is terrible, and I returned it for a paperback)
  7. Dread Nation

You’re welcome.

Read any of these? What are your favs? Read and share my last post: Fake Gumbeaux Series: The Workplace Follow me most places @pinkgumbeaux

You’re welcome again.

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EVERYTHING BUT ESSENCE

For an explanation of feet, keep reading.

Names and details have been changed to act like I am protecting the identity of family and friends but we all know I’m not. 

This was the first time I made a effort to attend Essence. Although I grew up in New Orleans, Essence weekend has always been a headache for locals. The influx of nearly every African American woman, unfortunate husbands and boyfriends, cat daddies, and a couple of lost colonizers results in traffic and price gouging so we always left town. I made a few attempts several years ago but it was hot AF so I swore to never return during the months of July and August yet there I was but the weather was not impossible thanks to a few showers.

I am not sure of the details but the cousins group chat spilled over into a fake-ass Girls Trip. We lost a few cousins so it was just the four of us. No, they are not dead but didn’t attend for reasons that are none of your business. Due to my cousins wanting an authentic experience, we did everything but Essence (but you already knew that because it’s the title of this post). We saw one panel featuring Amanda Seales, Tichina Arnold, Tisha Campbell-Martin, and Kym Whitley, spent a ton of time trying to find the Read’s booth, browsing stages where we saw Mary J. Blige and Fonzworth Bentley, and passing tons of vendors. Essence requires more than the weekend. You need time to tour the city, get the energy necessary to attend the panels and performances, check out the night life and recuperate (which I haven’t since I returned to a sick child and husband; thereby, resulting in me being sick).

We ate and drunk all weekend; most notably, Cafe Du Monde, Superior Seafood (where I learned about non-binary gender and valet kept bringing me the wrong car), Ruby Slipper (where Kofi Siriboe stood us up, he was invited via twitter), Deanie’s Seafood (where we received terrible service for the first time ever but the tip was already included so they didn’t give a damn), 30/90, and District Donuts.

Listed on my Bucket List and something I’ve been trying to see for three years is the Read Live! This is the very first podcast I started listening to and still my favorite. We arrived during the pre-show to a podcast we aren’t familiar with but who I was familiar with was their guest: Big Freedia, the Queen Diva (you already knoooow, girl down). If you don’t know who she is, google. I don’t have time for your foolishness.

As expected, Freedia gave us a twerk session and asked for volunteers. This is the moment I’ve been preparing for since giving birth. I twerk at least once a day and felt that I was ready to perform on stage when she asked for volunteers so there I was, next to Freedia, throwing it in a circle… in my head. There is no way I am going to shake my mommy ass in public so you guys can upload it to your Snapchat or whatever mediums you millennials use.

According to one of my cousins, their live episode is available and I’m wondering if I will be able to hear myself ask Crissle to let Meghan ask a question. I take full responsibility for the positive impact she’s going to make on white America. Each one teach one.

We also saw Dustin, Fran and Assante which was a nice treat since I also listen to their podcast, the Friend Zone.

We did a little shopping on Bayou Road where there is a string of black-owned businesses. I bought a book and pins from Community Book Center, another pin from Material Life and a cupcake from Cupcake Fairies.

We shopped in the French Quarters where I bought Pyrite studs from NOLA Rock Co and a T-shirt and onesie from Kitchen Ink which illustrates to Jacksonians I will always be a New Orleanian as if they don’t already know, as if they care.

We drove through Uptown, the Garden District, City Park, and I took the cousins to the Lakefront. Speaking of the French Quarters, I finally got the chance to see my best friend since childhood perform at 30/90. Please follow Sierra Green & the Soul Machine and see her live instead of jumping on the bandwagon later on. I mean, I’m sure she’ll still take your money but I’m just saying.

Other notable experiences include my lesbian cousins dressing alike opposed to the required skank-wear, cousins falling asleep every time they get in the car like newborns, my cousin’s feet being entirely too close to my face (we had an abundance of space), my cousin getting out of my car and telling Pickup Truck Patrick to stop blocking the hotel parking lot because he was causing traffic and you guessed it, he did not move. There were other activities we shall not speak of *stares*

We are already talking about attending next year but it will most definitely require me taking several days of vacation and actually attending Essence. I didn’t take a ton of pictures, that’s not my ministry. You can check out several on Instagram, you’re welcome.

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TALKING GUMBEAUX

Names and details have been changed to protect the identity and privacy of the individual I’m judging. 

A couple of weeks ago, a couple of friends and I met up for cocktails, to see Deadpool 2 and to get into middle-age trouble.

Note: None of us are middle-aged. 

Shortly after the movie started, a very odd thing happened. My friend started talking but while the movie was playing. Have you ever experienced something so horrific? You probably have, if you’ve ever been in a theater full of black people. She congratulated actors (Zazie Olivia Beetz and Terry Crews) for “getting their coins,” provided commentary, and sung all of the songs. It was such a confusing experience, I may need counseling.

Overall, I thought it was funny and decided to briefly interview her. I wanted to get to the bottom of this phenomenon. Surprisingly, she complied.

Pink Gumbeaux: Have you ever been to a movie theater?

Talking Gumbeaux: Yes.

Pink Gumbeaux: I don’t remember if you had a cocktail during happy hour. If so, were you drunk?

Talking Gumbeaux: I had one cocktail but I personally pregamed before the happy hour… and on the way to the movie.

Pink Gumbeaux: Why do you people talk through movies? 

Talking Gumbeaux: To give credit to the actors and directors that had a hand in such great work. When I react, the film has earned my coins.

Pink Gumbeaux: You were really excited to see a couple of the actors and even yelled “yassss, get those coins.” Why Sway?

Talking Gumbeaux: As a consumer, I thoroughly enjoyed the presence of actors that are developing their careers and appearing in reputable films.

Pink Gumbeaux: Do you think your outbursts are linked to issues from your childhood?

Talking Gumbeaux: No, lol. I usually watch movies alone and never had to accommodate others.

Note: We were not in her living room but in a movie theater where I paid extra to reserve seats.

Pink Gumbeaux: You sung all of the songs. Why do you know so much classic rock from the 80s? You weren’t even born.

Talking Gumbeaux: My mother didn’t change the radio stations much and I worked in an arts and crafts store.

Pink Gumbeaux: If we ever go to the movies again (we won’t), will you behave like a good noodle?

Talking Gumbeaux: I don’t make promises I can’t keep sooo, probably not…. side note: the Incredibles come out this weekend.

Shout out to my friend for being a good sport, I would’ve never participated in bullshit like this. Oh well, follow me @pinkgumbeaux. Read my previous post, it’s basically 3 minutes of excuses: HELLO! IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR?