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“GIRLS TRIP” FT. BABY GUMBEAUX

Last weekend, we took a short trip home, to New Orleans to celebrate a list of things Baby Gumbeaux didn’t agree to celebrate. For Father’s Day, Zaddy Gumbeaux ditched us to get some rest so it looks like it was just us girls which made this a “Girl’s Trip” Once back home, in Jackson and when Zaddy Gumbeaux walked through the door, Baby Gumbeaux proceeded to express her grievances, in no particular order, they include:

  • 2-hour drive, out past my bedtime.
  • Great Maw Maw and Paw Paw’s hot-ass house.
  • Waking me up for breakfast.
  • Mommy telling me I “can’t just eat the biscuit, that I have to eat the other breakfast.”
  • Paw Paw not paying attention to me.
  • Paw Paw paying attention to me.
  • Bath time.
  • Mommy combing my hair.
  • Paw Paw touching me.
  • Paw Paw not touching me.
  • Mommy walking out of the room.
  • Mommy getting dressed.
  • Mommy not paying attention to me.
  • Being sleepy.
  • Mommy making me take a nap because I am sleepy.
  • Mommy waking me up from my nap.
  • Car seat, again?
  • Hungry.
  • Other Paw Paw, why do I have two Paw Paws?
  • Lunch being too hot.
  • Fries.
  • Mommy telling me to “eat my own food,” I want her food.
  • Mommy not letting me drink her pretty drink, something about me being “underage.”
  • Shoes.
  • Socks.
  • More family. What’s a family? Who are these people?
  • Family talking to me.
  • Hungry.
  • Mommy cutting my food up, I am a grown and independent toddler who don’t need no man.
  • Me choking, Mommy should’ve my food up.
  • Mommy asking me to eat the other stuff.
  • Mommy touching someone named “her little brother.”
  • Some lady (aunt) touching Mommy, saying “it’s my Ashlee.” Who’s Ashlee?
  • Me Me touching Mommy, these people are the worse!
  • Some lady (aunt) giving me cake.
  • Some lady (aunt) not giving me cake.
  • Mommy making me leave. I won’t go down without a fight!
  • Chuck E. Cheese.
  • Mommy not letting me hold wine at Trader Joe’s.
  • Hungry.
  • Paw Paw touching me.
  • Paw Paw kissing me.
  • Mommy making me eat.
  • Car ride.
  • Hungry, why isn’t mommy feeding me.
  • Where is Daddy? I’ve asked this before.

Her constant outrage prompted my mother to give me a call, warning me to “prepare for her independence and strong will.” First of all, I’m from the 9th Ward. I ain’t scared of a 19-month-old who still uses a pacifier at home but isn’t brave enough to walk in her truth and use it at school. Secondly, my aunts and mom talk about my independence and strong will like it’s a curse. It’s hereditary, I get it from them. And, it’ll be nice to see where that attitude goes when molded properly opposed to endless punishment and nonstop church activities. Side note: Fairly certain, I’m still on punishment. If not, my mom will likely confiscate my phone and TV after reading this or maybe I will not pay her phone bill until she shows me some respect. I’m the captain now!

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NATIONAL READ A DAMN BOOK DAY

Today is National Read a Damn Book Day and I did a lot of reading (and listening via Audible and hibooks) this summer. Below, is my list of past, current and future reads.

Past Reads

  1. The Hate U Give (awesome book, Jackson native and premieres as a movie in October)
  2. Born A Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood (the author is fine AF, finished this book in a day or so, this needs to be a movie)
  3. The Mother of Black Hollywood: A Memoir (more of the aunty of black Hollywood, very insightful but should’ve been a shorter book)
  4. Barracoon: The Story of the Last “Black Cargo” (must read, left me depressed for a couple of days)
  5. An American Marriage: A Novel (awesome book, hated the narration)
  6. Their Eyes Were Watching God (classic)
  7. In the County We Love: My Family Divided (timely read)
  8. The Power of Positive Thinking (I mailed copies to all my negative family members)
  9. Think and Grow Rich (meh)
  10. Unhinged: An Insider’s Account of the Trump White House (I wanted the tea, she delivered but her narration was horrendous)
  11. The Power of Now: A Guide of Spiritual Enlightenment (double meh)
  12. I Can’t Date Jesus: Love, Sex, Race and Other Reasons I’ve Put My Faith in Beyoncé (this book reflects my thoughts on religion)
  13. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth (half meh)

Current Reads

  1. Steal Like an Artist: 10 Things Nobody Told You About Being Creative (I need to finish this book)
  2. Black Fortunes: The Story of the First Six African Americans Who Escaped Slavery and Became Millionaires (must read or listen)
  3. House of Leaves (this book is over 700 pages, don’t rush me)
  4. The Alchemist (I’ve been reading this book for like 5 years, don’t care if it’s your fav, I am bored)

Future Reads

  1. Crazy Rich Asians
  2. How to be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life
  3. Under Fire: Reporting from the Front Lines of the Trump White House
  4. Beauty Shop Politics: African American Women’s Activism in the Beauty Industry (Women in American History)
  5. Well, That Escalated Quickly: Memoirs and Mistakes of an Accidental Activist
  6. Children of Blood and Bone (Legacy of Orisha) (do not buy audio, narration is terrible, and I returned it for a paperback)
  7. Dread Nation

You’re welcome.

Read any of these? What are your favs? Read and share my last post: Fake Gumbeaux Series: The Workplace Follow me most places @pinkgumbeaux

You’re welcome again.

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HOW TO SPOT NICE PEOPLE

and get as far away as possible.

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Earlier this week, I had a conversation with a fellow blogger (hey Jessica) in which we discussed our distaste for nice people. After being on this earth for 30 years, I am convinced that nice people are the devil’s spawn and because I’m always looking out for you guys, I’ve created a preliminary guide to help you dodge these hell Angels.

  1. Nice people want to be your friend on demand. They don’t want to get to know you, cyberstalk you, test your hair follicle, obtain a blood sample or wait the standard 3 to 5 years. They just want to be your friend immediately, like a weirdo.
  2. Upon arrival, nice people will approach you like excited puppies. They can’t wait to speak to you. Make a u-turn, head back to your car and get the hell out of there!
  3. Nice people hug you with both arms opposed to the one-arm side hug.
  4. Nice people call, email and or text you “because they were thinking about you and wanted to reach out.”
  5. If you’re running late to a dinner your husband made you attend, nice people wait for you to arrive before ordering their food.
  6. Nice people not only remember your birthday but send you a gift. If I were you I would sell it on eBay, get the cash and buy yourself an untainted gift.
  7. Nice people compliment you on your makeup, hair and attire. Go home, change.

Nice people will read this blog post and ask “what’s wrong with being nice?” If you’re that type of person, I will block you.

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PICKY EATERS UNITE!

To some I have a lot of issues: I’m introverted (aka I don’t like people), most recently I found out I’m allergic to being outside and cheap jewelry, I don’t like being touched but the thing that bothers people the most?  I’m a picky eater! … Read More