All posts filed under “Relationships

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S*** HUSBANDS SAY TO THEIR PREGNANT WIVES


Disclaimer: No feelings were hurt from the below comments, I actually find my Husband’s comments quiet entertaining. 

*clears throat* Now, to the list of things I hear nearly every single day.

“Have you taken your prenatal vitamin?” 
Never did he care about my supplement intake until he impregnated me with his spawn. At least twice a day, he asks me this and rarely believes me. I sometimes think it would be better for him to administer the supplement to me then speak to my belly and confirm Baby Gumbeaux has received the nutrients she needs.

“Why are you so gassy?” 
Listen, I am an incubator. I no longer have any control over my body. Unfortunately, I am most gassy early in the morning and at night, while in bed with Husband. It sounds worse than it is and doesn’t have a smell. It’s just Baby Gumbeaux using me to say “Hi Daddy.”

“You can’t be hungry again.” 
No, actually I am not hungry. I was accustomed to eating mac and cheese as a meal but YOUR baby is never satisfied so feed me.

“Stop blaming everything on the baby.” 
This guy acts like he has not been with me for 7 years. He knows I have not been this gassy ever in my entire life but will not blame anything on his precious seed. When confronted about this, he stated that he doesn’t know if he ever really knew me…

“Boobies” 
I was a DD before I got knocked up and don’t even want to guess what size they are now. What’s worse, I’m just 24 weeks so I know there is a chance they could double. This will likely result in me no longer needing to use my legs; instead, floating from room to room via my boobs. Nonetheless, he’s a man so he likes it. Which brings me to the following:

“I am going to get you pregnant.”
If you’ve been following me, have read the title, and or have read most of this post you know that I am already pregnant but he’s very attracted to my changing body. It’s kind of weird and I often fear for my life.

“I don’t think you can fit that anymore.” 

“Come on, let me grease you.” 
Translation: Let me apply the butter so I can help you prevent stretch marks but mostly because I am a perv.

Come here, let me put your belly belt on.” 
I can actually do this by myself but if it makes him feel like a helpful noodle, strap me up!

“You shouldn’t run, you look like a muffin with legs.” 
Just when I thought I could get a brief jog in, I quickly changed my mind because I now look like “a muffin with legs.” Power walk it is…

“You’re so pretty.”
*smiles*

Husband is looking forward to writing his blog post on my most frequent words and phrases which are most likely complaints. “Like” Baby Gumbeaux on Facebook, and follow on Twitter and Instagram. Read and share my previous post: The Ultimate Guide to Being Knocked Up

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5 REASONS TO BE TOTALLY JEALOUS OF YOUR SINGLE FRIENDS

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Guest blog post by Ashleigh of SingleWomanChronicles.com

As a woman, you are brainwashed into thinking that without a man you are pretty much useless and your entire life should be spent searching for a husband. Most blogs and books give advice about finding a good man, getting the ring, or how to attract a man. No one really stops to tell the single woman that she should be happy. They are too busy telling her something is wrong with her and she better fix it or she’ll die a lonely cat lady. But why are we constantly bashing the single friend and looking down on her? Your single season is the season of greatness, where you can find yourself and sing “I’m Every Woman” with pure confidence.

I have been in a relationship for over a year and truth be told, I sometimes get jealous of my single friends. Yes, I love my boyfriend and I am happy but being in relationship takes work. The people constantly shining light on relationships only speak about how joyous they are, they don’t talk about the days where you are wondering how you can kill your partner and not go to jail. If you are single and reading this, I want you to enjoy your single season because girl the work begins when you say “yes, I will be your girlfriend” and even more work when you say “I do”. I pondered on the things I miss most about my single life and these are the things you single ladies should be lucky to have. Here are my 5 reasons that I am totally jealous of my single friends.

5. You’re More Fit…

Have you ever seen your friends get in a relationship and 6 months later you’re wondering if they’re pregnant or not because of weight gain? Nope, they’re not pregnant, they’e just fat. Relationship weight is just like, if not worse than the Freshman 15. When you’re in a relationship, you feel you no longer have anything to prove so you can be fat and happy. Your man loves you for who you are so you just eat whatever you want. You also tend to eat out more and cook comfort meals because men like fattening foods. When I was single, I worked out way more because I was trying to stay slim and tight for my future Mr.Right. You are just more motivated for fitness in single season. My now 5 pounds heavier body is wishing I had that single life mindset of fitness.

4. You Clean When You Want…

When I was single, I was super busy so cleaning my apartment was a priority but it wasn’t the highest. I would throw clothes everywhere and leave dishes in the sink on nights where I came home too late. When you’re in a relationship, you can’t do these things. If you share a place with your man, he will complain. If he pops up on you and your place is dirty, he will complain. Now I tell my boyfriend if he wants it clean, then he can clean it himself! But that was only after I got him to fall in love. Men want a clean woman but when you’re single, you don’t have to worry about that. You can leave your mess where you want it because no one is judging you but you. Well you and your mom who swears she raised you better than that but she’ll get over it.

3. Me Time…

So many people take me time for granted, especially women. It is this belief that women will always want to be under her man so “me time” isn’t a big deal for her. Wrong! There will come a time when you’re tired and all you want to do is lay in bed alone and just be silent. That will be the day when your boyfriend or husband will want to be all in your mix. Men are big babies so they like to be under you. You could tell them “not now” but then what happens when you need them? They can tell you the same thing. You have to sacrifice time in relationships and you will do just that. So even during those times where you are craving me time, you will tell your partner “Yes, you can come over” just to keep the peace. Oh how I miss unlimited me time.

2. You’re More Focused…

I am a very focused person, in a relationship and out of a relationship, but I find that I was more focused when I was single. I think it is because I only had to worry about myself. I am an overthinker so I am constantly thinking about how something will make the people I love feel. Having extra thoughts of your partner clouding your brain breaks your focus. It also goes back to me-time, the more me-time the more focus. But being in a relationship forces you to share me-time so now you focus less.

1. You don’t have to compromise…

The greatest freedom I miss is doing what I want, when I wanted, with who I wanted. Relationships are all about compromise. What if he wants to watch a show you don’t but you always pick? Now you have to watch a boring football game because of compromise. Or what if you want steak but he wants fish but you always pick? Now you have to eat Captain D’s because of compromise. Or what if he likes the light off when he sleeps but you prefer it on? Now you have to wait until he falls asleep then turn the lights on so you can sleep because of compromise. I think this is the biggest misconception of being in a relationship. People think as long as they find someone who they’re compatible with that they won’t have to compromise much. Humph… you realize what compromising really means when you realize the tedious things in your life that you get to choose without anyone having a say.

So to all my single women, stop being jealous of married women and women in relationships and start appreciating your single season. You have plenty to appreciate, not just the five things I just mentioned. Don’t let society convince you that being single is torture because it isn’t. Being single is not having to worry about putting down the toilet seat before peeing. Embrace your single life and feel free knowing that your friends in relationships are totally jealous of you!

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