All posts filed under “Life

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THE FINAL TRIMESTER & ARRIVAL OF BABY GUMBEAUX

Baby Gumbeaux & Ugly Hospital Gown

Reader discretion is advised. This blog post contains TMI and may be considered a long read for people with small brains.

Each trimester was worse than the previous. At this point, I got accustomed to sleeping maybe a few hours a night, experienced acid reflux and heartburn all day, could not find a comfortable sitting or sleeping position and spent most of my waking hours agitated. How agitated? Enough for coworkers and bosses to keep asking me “when are you going on maternity leave?” On the other hand, a lot of those symptoms ended the moment I gave birth.

Induction

On November 12th, I arrived at the hospital 15 minutes after my scheduled check-in because I wanted nachos. I had to complete a couple of forms filling in basic information then got to the dumbest question on earth: “Why are you here?” Let’s see… 9 months pregnant, checking into “labor and delivery” and you’re asking me why I’m here? My response? To get this baby out of my body! The nurses thought it was a funny response.

As a result of my cervix not softening and not dilating, I agreed to be induced using a method called Foley Bulb Induction. My bed was lifted to what seemed like the ceiling then the balloon was inserted. I instantly started cramping and was informed it would likely be a painful and uncomfortable night. I was given sleeping pills that did not work.

12 hours later, Pennywise (OBGYN) removed the ballon. I had dilated 1 f***ing centimeter. Plan B? The use of Pitocin which I was on for 11 hours! Contractions got more intense but wasn’t enough for me to get the epidural they kept trying to shove down my throat. After dilating just 2 more centimeters, Pennywise informed me that she would give me 2 more hours but that it was highly likely I would have to get a C-section. I used that final hour to cry. I never considered a C-section, didn’t know much about C-sections, am not here for needles and sharp objects, IT’S MAJOR SURGERY, and recovery would be tougher for Baby Gumbeaux and I.

Delivery

They “graciously” allowed Husband to be with me while I got the Spinal Block (which immediately numbed my body). I asked Husband not to look while they conducted the C-section, I didn’t want him to be scarred for life. Thankfully, the process was super quick. They showed me Baby Gumbeaux and she is gorgeous. I was relieved because ugly babies exist.

Recovery

24 hours after being sliced like a pizza, hospital staff made me walk the hallways. This is the most challenging and painful thing I’ve ever encountered in my entire life. Of course I needed help walking, in and out of bed, when showering and using the bathroom which resulted in me being super comfortable with doctors and nurses seeing me in the nude. Side note: Why are those hospital gowns so unattractive? Who the f*** designs them? Most importantly, why do hospitals keep buying them?

Support

I felt it when I got pregnant and again after the baby. I don’t know how women do it without support. Husband has witnessed a blood clot the size of a baseball dropping out of me, has changed my bedpan and wiped my butt. Just to think, a few weeks ago I didn’t even poop in front of him.

My younger brother has witnessed me pumping on more than one occasion and has the pleasure of cleaning and disposing of bloody, poop and or urine-filled diapers and pads.

Mom’s in town, is super helpful, has been taking some of the midnight shift so we can sleep, telling me that I’m not feeding the baby enough, that I hold her too much (and that it will spoil her) then when I put her down, she proceeds to hold her…

Last but not least are my friends. I kind of struggled with the thought of raising a baby without my family. I had my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and tons of cousins. While Husband does have family here, I think they’ve aged out of the category where they can be super active. These friends are my family now. They have given me tons of advice, hosted my baby shower, bought Baby Gumbeaux a ton of stuff, volunteered to babysit, arrived at the hospital before me, have visited and been supportive postpartum. While I’m at it, I should spread the joy *gag* Family, coworkers, acquaintances, church members and even internet strangers have been helpful, supportive and made this transition a little easier. I mean, as easy as it can be when one is getting no sleep and peed on (4xs at this point).

Read and share past pregnancy posts:

Second Trimester: The Rise and Fall of the Incubator 

Shit Pregnant Wives Say to Their Husbands

Shit Husbands Say to Their Pregnant Wives

The Ultimate Guide to Being Knocked Up

Another Blog Post Complaining About Pregnancy

My “New” Maternity Wardrobe

The First Trimester

Hell Has Frozen over, Pigs Are Flying & I’m Pregnant

Like and follow Baby Gumbeaux on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

May the odds be ever in MY favor. What? I have a newborn, ain’t nobody thinking about you guys.

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HELL HAS FROZEN OVER, PIGS ARE FLYING & I’M PREGNANT


Yes, you read correctly. The end of the times are near because the infamous toddler-hater is 13 weeks pregnant. So, how did I find out Husband trapped me? 

It was nothing we planned but not anything we were trying to prevent either. When you marry someone who wants kids, it’s inevitable. I literally had a dream where I was told I was pregnant, woke up, took a pregnancy test, screamed explicits then had it confirmed at my employer’s clinic.

My family and friends needed proof before believing I was knocked up. 

Most didn’t believe me but when I provided proof, excitement ensued from mostly everyone… Dad had a hard time processing it (likely because it forced him to realize I’m an adult and that he’s getting older). He’s come around now, has named baby “bun” (because bun in the oven) and has already asked to babysit whenever we travel. My grandmother (his mom) response was bland potato salad until I learned that she thought I felt pressured and was not going to celebrate my pregnancy until she knew I was OK. How does Ashlee feel? This is why she is my ride or die. Anyway, she came around shortly after and has now volunteered to babysit a week out of each mom #saynomore #thankyouinadvance

There are benefits to this pregnancy thing.

I’m coddled and everyone wants to feed me which is awesome because I am always hungry. I don’t have any wild cravings yet but nearly everything I drink tastes like pennies. Family is already volunteering to buy baby furniture and my grandfather stated that the baby will probably be spoiled which is rich coming from the man who spoiled me. Baby will be the first grandchild from my parents and Husband’s dad; as a result, I expect to buy nothing.

What’s next?

After the shock of being knocked up wore off (which is approximately 5 minutes ago), we started giving thought to how we plan to raise Baby Gumbeaux. I am hoping for a girl because who wouldn’t want Ashlee 2.0? Smarter, fashionable, sarcastic and a mouth that kept me in trouble? Yes, please! I am leaning heavy towards private school, the only decision that I’ve made that’s nonnegotiable. And, I already talk to baby a lot. It usually goes like: “Hey baby, what are you doing? Oh nothing? Well, it’s the perfect time for you to start thinking about your future since you obviously don’t have anything better to do.” I’ve also shared with baby a list of my enemies so baby can know who not to go to, who to vomit on and when to scream baby head off. 

If you haven’t guessed, I will be documenting my pregnancy and parenting journey and will likely have personal stories that may or may not affect if family and friends give me gifts at my baby shower. Because I stand in solidarity with other toddler-haters, I created separate social media so I won’t stink up Pink Gumbeaux with baby stuff you care nothing about. “Like” Baby Gumbeaux on Facebook, and follow on Twitter and Instagram.

Read and share husband’s blog post: Storytime 2: Dad, That’s Not a Limousine!

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I’M 31!!! 

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I think I’ve mentioned my birthday several times; usually, when guilting you into subscribing to my newsletter and following me on social media (which I will mention again at the bottom of this post). Be prepared.

My birthday is very important to me and not for egotistical reasons. Well, mostly not for egotistical reasons. It gives me the opportunity to reflect and set goals for the year opposed to doing it on New Year’s Eve. And, isn’t it too cold to set goals during that time? Anyway, in 29.8-Years Old, I talked about the things I was over and blamed age for it. In I’m 30, I was sure some things would change overnight (give or take a few days). I guess it’s no surprise that it took a bit longer for me to accomplish some of those things. You guys tried to tell me…haters.

So, let’s quickly revisit challenges, accomplishments and new goals.

One of my biggest accomplishments was to pass my doctoral comprehensive exam; however, we will reserve celebration for the actual PhD (which will happen within the next year).

Other things to get hyphy about: Do people still get hyphy? San Francisco seemed really serious about it. Anyway, I received a scholarship from my professional association (which was awarded to me while in Seattle) and Husband and I became property owners! Most recently, we started the process to buy 2 additional homes.

Professional reputation and nerves was tried.

Over

And over

And over again.

I’m assuming the lesson was to not put paws on someone; thereby, avoiding jail time learn how to not worry about things I can’t change and persevere.

Equally important as completing my degree is being a successful entrepreneur. I have 3 businesses (which includes Pink Gumbeaux); however, Husband and I are taking them from side hustles to the main hustle. You know, be my own boss. 

Me: Hey Ashlee, what time are you coming to work? 

Ashlee: When I want, I work for myself. 

Me: Great, I’ll see you then. 

I no longer have patience for the bitter and pessimists. Hearing bitching day after day, after day is draining but also contagious. Note: Everyone has issues, try not to pile your crap on someone else because it gets old. Try journaling, a hobby as an outlet, therapy and or your local buffet. 

Carefree time is great for my mental health. Blocks of time when I have fun and postpone anxiety and panic attacks for another day. Last week, carefree time included a mani and pedi, a date with Husband, my skate birthday party, eating fair food and getting on rides without throwing up.

While I won’t have everything figured out right away maybe by next month, I am working at it everyday. I’m confident 31 will be good to me (because I had a discussion with 31 in advance).

Guess what? You’ll be able to shop Pink Gumbeaux soon. Hint: It’s something you can wear. OK, that’s all the hint you will be getting. Anyway,  subscribe to Pink Gumbeaux, the NEWSLETTER, follow me on FacebookTwitterInstagram and Bloglovin. Donate to Pink Gumbeaux (the donation page is located in the menu bar). Read and share my previous post: My Strange Addiction

 

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PEOPLE MOST UNLIKELY TO SUCCEED 

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  1. People who double-park.
  2. People who don’t use turning signals.
  3. People who blast their music.
  4. People who don’t know how to merge into lanes on the interstate.
  5. People who write long text and Facebook messages.
  6. Husband, when he doesn’t charge my iPhone and iPad after using it (for whatever reason because he has his own devices).
  7. People who don’t like chocolate.
  8. People who don’t eat cheese.
  9. People who have both cats and dogs as pets. CHOOSE, damn it!
  10. People who share fake articles on Facebook.
  11. People who share old articles on Facebook.
  12. People who smile in the morning.
  13. Toddlers.
  14. People who are allergic to and or don’t like seafood.
  15. People who still fax.
  16. People who don’t want to pay $7.99 for Netflix.
  17. People who don’t think Halloween is awesome.
  18. People with flip phones
  19. People who haven’t subscribed to my newsletter and don’t follow and or “like” me on social media.

My birthday is now less than a week away, as a gift to me subscribe to Pink Gumbeaux, the NEWSLETTER, follow me on Facebook (where I spend most of my time), TwitterInstagram and Bloglovin. Read and share my previous post: Faux Product Review 34: Intensive-C Radiance Peel 

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GUIDE TO PULLING YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR…

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Ass. I thought putting it in the title was a bit much. Any way, the last two weeks have sucked but I’ve been working daily to pull myself out of it and thought I’d share some of my tips with you. Because I’m such an awesome and thoughtful person. You’re welcome. Anyway…

  1. Acknowledge that you’re experiencing a few shitty things, that you feel like crap but don’t stay there. Basically, get your head out of your ass.
  2. You’re not the only one going through tough times. Last weekend, I spent all weekend sulking. The entire weekend. On Sunday, husband got a call from a church member who didn’t have any food. When dropping groceries off, we found out he didn’t have electricity either. Everyone has their thing or worse.
  3. Take a bath. You guys, I take showers and rarely take baths. My water bill is already too high and the quality of the water is questionable so I reserve baths for places I can fill up the tub without anxiety such as my grandparents house (who have $12 bills) and hotels. Add essential oils, sea salt, epsom salt, coconut milk or Rosewater for a spa-like experience. After, you’ll feel super relaxed.
  4. Exercise. Exercise reduces stress, releases endorphin and alleviates anxiety. My go-to exercise these days is walking through my neighborhood and judging neighbors with husband and struggling yoga poses in my living room.
  5. Binge watch a TV show, get wrapped up in their fictional drama. In one week, I finished 2 seasons of Jane the Virgin. She just met her Dad, was accidentally artificially inseminated, had two men fighting over her and a whole bunch of other crap.
  6. Buy a journal, bitch there. Although sympathetic, your family and friends will get tired of you. If you’re like me, you’ll carry it with you so you can immediately express how you feel. “Dear Journal, I want to punch her in the face.”
  7. Do something special. Get a mani and pedi or buy yourself a cupcake or kick a toddler.
  8. Take a mini vacation. I almost always visit my family when having a tough time. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to lay in Mom’s bosom and with all the flooding, I would have to take a boat into Louisiana. Another reminder that things aren’t so bad…
  9. Pray, meditate, smudge and repeat. Although it doesn’t seem effective (yet), I have a prayer squad. Just knowing that makes me feel better.
  10. Know that it won’t last… I think. 

Ok, who else is feeling it? Share your story, make me feel better. Send a virtual hug, you guys know I don’t like being touched…

If I haven’t made you depressed (even if I have) subscribe to Pink Gumbeaux, the NEWSLETTER, follow me on FacebookTwitterInstagram and Bloglovin. Read where it all started: Faux Product Review 28: Make Up For Ever High Definition Pressed Powder