All posts filed under “Health

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Note: This does post not contain any pictures or videos of me on the pole because I can’t trust you guys (not you mom, I can trust you).

Last Thursday, my “friend” at Silent Socialite asked me if I knew about Taboo Dance and Aerial Fitness‘ Holiday Pole Jam. I was like nah but that seems fun. Another friend encouraged it, stating it would be a great opportunity to make new friends and I love making new friends because I am so friendly (I’m not). Then, I decided it would be too much socializing, I didn’t have any shorts (which was suggested on the site), plus it cost $35. Do you people think I’m Bill Gates? But, I was unsuccessful in getting out of it, took out a second mortgage and bought my ticket (first of all, I don’t have a first mortgage), and bought shorts from Old Navy that showed more thigh than I was comfortable with. I invited the friends I thought was most likely to have rhythm.

It was Friday night and I was wondering what should one eat before swinging around a pole. I settled on wine and a baked potato Baby Gumbeaux ate most of. Upon arrival, my “friend” was just getting out of her car, we entered the building together, and was encouraged to drink. Drinking then hitting the pole seemed dangerous but whatevs.

It was time to start and opposed to the traditional stretching, we twerked it out to City Girls. This, I can do. I had been waiting for an opportunity to twerk outside of my living room. Now, to the pole. At this point, I would like to explain why my friend received quotation marks. There was a lot of chorography to be learned in two hours, is this the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater? Not to mention, I had to keep spraying rubbing alcohol on my hands to grip the pole. I thought I should arrive like a melanin goddess so I applied Vaseline, cocoa butter and glitter before arrival. It should’ve been common sense that arriving as a greasy and glittery chicken strip would prohibit me from gripping the pole but sense isn’t always common.

We were split into two groups and each time it was my group’s turn, I envisioned killing my performance and I most definitely killed something, just not the routine. Overall, I had fun. So much fun that I was ready to join the class and become a competitive pole dancer, my true purpose. But first, I need to ditch the basic bitch gym membership I have so if there are any doctors or lawyers who can get me out of this contract, email me.

Side note: I was sore af the next day. Not sure I left the bed much that day. To be quite honest, my knees still hurt. Why do my knees hurt? Anyway, follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram @pinkgumbeaux. And, I have a podcast! It’s for transplants and sometimes locals which may never apply to you but check it out anyway, I need the numbers.

I love us for real.

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As stated during The First Trimester, I’ve been experiencing shanked-like pain since I’ve been pregnant. According to my OBGYN (who I’m supposed to be able to trust), it was round ligament pain as a result of a growing Baby Gumbeaux and the expansion of Baby Gumbeaux’s condo. The pain would come and go, happen whenever I made sudden movements and last for a couple of hours but the pain returned on Sunday. It was more intense and invited my legs and back to join the fun. By Tuesday, I was at my OBGYN office. During the sonogram, Baby Gumbeaux was pictured bouncing and kicking me. Totally unbothered and lacking empathy which means Baby Gumbeaux is already displaying the same traits as me. Through the pain, I could not have been prouder.

The pain was as a result of degenerating fibroids. According to the Fibroid Treatment Collective:

Fibroids are noncancerous tumors that grow on or in the muscular walls of the uterus. If the fibroids aggressively grow, they can degenerate, causing significant pain to the patient. They are living tissue, requiring oxygen and nutrients to survive and grow, supplied by blood vessels in an around the uterus. When fibroids become too large, the blood vessels supplying the blood are no longer able to provide enough sustenance to meet the needs of the fibroid. When this happens, the cells of the fibroid begin to die in a process called degeneration.

Scary, right? That’s nothing compared to the list of complications which include but are not limited to the cute stuff like abdominal pain, vaginal bleeding, frequent urination and constipation to the scary stuff like miscarriage, premature delivery and infertility. In contrast, the doctor that I am supposed to trust predicted that I shouldn’t spend my entire pregnancy in pain. I was prescribed pain medication for 3 days then took a couple of days off. The medication didn’t work and with the pain, I didn’t get much rest.

Today, is the first day I don’t feel like I’ve been shanked so maybe my doctor was right. I have another appointment later this week and am expecting demanding better news. Besides learning about how much pregnancy sucks, I hope you take a moment to learn about your family’s health history. Had I never been informed of the fibroids, I never would’ve went on my pity party tour and learned that women on both sides of my family have suffered from fibroids. This makes them 100% responsible for this. Yep, this is all of your faults.

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Gather around kids, let’s talk about something we shouldn’t have to talk about but apparently we have to talk about. Saturday, Jezebel shared an old article on their Facebook page entitled “Do You Wash Your Legs?” I was flabbergasted! Bewildered! Stupefied! My brain could not process the question or worse, the answer! This diabolical question was prompted by an ongoing joke on a show I’ve never heard of: “You’re the Worst.” Apparently, one of the characters found out his girlfriend doesn’t wash her legs. Water and soap already rolls down legs so why bother? And this isn’t just theoretical, the author agreed with this logic *moment of silence to vomit*

Below, are the results from their poll as of yesterday (around noon).

Bruh, almost half of the women who took this poll DO NOT WASH THEIR LEGS! And, Jezebel’s comment section was worse. There was a host of excuses which include but is not limited to “I have Eczema,” “it makes my skin dry,” and “I don’t feel dirty enough.” So, some of you wash your hair everyday but not your #%^** legs and feet? Why is it so important to wash your ENTIRE body?

  • Kills bacteria
  • Prevents illnesses such as the Flu
  • Improves blood circulation
  • Lowers blood pressure
  • Relieves skin conditions
  • Improves sleep
  • Reduces stress

But, did I really need to tell you why you need to wash your own body? And, you guys may not know this but I am fairly certain you stink. Oh, yes you do! You’ve grown accustomed to your 10-day old Philly Cheese Steak sizzling in the middle of Bourbon Street on a Summer day stench. You’re subjecting your family, friends and coworkers to this and for what? Even with my high-ass water bill, I shower everyday! Sometimes twice a day! Sometimes 3 times in 24 hours! And, I have Eczema and Hives. Showers and scrubbing is what brings me relief sometimes and when I’m done, I MOISTURIZE!

What are the boundaries? Is it face to waist? Are you even washing your va… nevermind. I’m so disappointed in you guys. You know who you are. Read and share my previous post: Peasant TV

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Sunday or Saturday, whichever works for you. I don’t know your life.

Sunday used to be me favorite day of the week. Before the old ball and chain (Husband), I woke up late, had brunch and mimosas, watched SuperSoul Sunday marathons and took naps *moment of silence for my past life* Fast forward a few years, Sundays give me anxiety which means starting my week off in a pissy mood is inevitable; although, my family and friends may think it’s a permanent trait (Dad nicknamed me Partly-Cloudy).

Most recently, I returned to self-care Sunday and tweaked my routine a bit. I chose Sunday because a lot of people start their workweek on Monday. If you don’t, adjust accordingly (duh). Self-care routines improve health by reducing stress, increasing productivity, enhancing mood, improving the overall quality of life and a host of other benefits you can find if you Google it yourself. Without further ado:

  1. Catch up on rest by getting the suggested amount of sleep. You won’t be pissy if you’re well rested and glowing.
  2. At least once a month, I have brunch with friends and classmates. It’s nice to eat really good food, drink Mimosas, bitch about life and judge fellow patrons.
  3. I don’t know your pockets but assume you can’t afford weekly massages, salon visits, manicures and pedicures. As a result, I have created a home spa. Every Sunday I wash my hair, apply a face mask and body scrub, soak my feet and polish my nails. You guys know I love essential oils, my new favorite: Faux Product Review 43: Lavender.
  4. On weekends, I take super long walks. Sometimes with Husband and sometimes by myself. It’s super hilly here so it’s a nice workout but not intense. Walks allow me to clear my mind and be in the present. Just like brunch, I judge fellow patrons.
  5. On Sundays, I take a few minutes to envision what kind of week I want. An ideal week includes but is not limited to the proper amount of rest and fitness, a balanced diet, productive workweek, writing my dissertation, posting to all of the social media accounts I manage and not loosing my shit.

BONUS: You should be journaling and not just on the weekend. My journal is filled with thoughts, future blog posts, to-do’s, doodles, gratitude lists, the things I’m angry and annoyed about; most importantly, the things that are going well. The result? It minimizes how much I complain to Husband and Mom, reduces stress and helps me write through issues.

Namaste bitches.

Read and share my previous post: Faux Product Review 43: Lavender

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Lavender is a flower with a host of healing properties and is often used as aromatherapy. Other benefits include but are not limited to treating stress, anxiety, restlessness, insomnia and depression, alleviates upset stomach, loss of appetite, nausea and vomiting, treats headaches and toothaches, restores skin, reduces acne, eczema and psoriasis, slows the aging of skin, heals burns, and treats hair loss.

Although I am slightly obsessed with lavender, I barely use it for the above reasons *shoulder shrug* So, how do I use lavender? I’m glad you asked.

After, I feel like the queen I think I am in my head. It’s like I have a spa, but at home that I can use everyday. Are you peanut butter and jelly? Do you use lavender and how? Comment below!

Read, like and share my previous post: 3-Year Sisterlocks Anniversary