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THE ILLUMINATI CREATED FALL FINALES

The illuminati created fall finales which brings them one step closer to New World Order. While we were sleeping, some high-powered asshole decided that we needed a “break” from our favorite TV shows during the holiday season. I don’t remember the exact moment it happened but want to know who asked them to make this decision for us? What else are we supposed to do during those scheduled times? Spend time with family and friends?

With “on demand,” Netflix and Hulu, we will survive. Because I’m such a helpful noodle, I have compiled a list of my favorites as well as new, lesser known shows. I know some of you need help expanding your horizons, you’re welcome.

Insecure (HBO)

Creator Issa Rae (The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl) stars as Issa Dee, who struggles to navigate the tricky professional and personal terrain of Los Angeles along with her best friend Molly (Yvonne Orji).

This show is hilarious, relatable and has an awesome soundtrack as noted in How Insecure Made Me Obsessed with Nick Hakim.

Runaways (Hulu)

Every teenager thinks their parents are evil. What if you found out they actually were? Marvel’s Runaways is the story of six diverse teenagers who can barely stand each other but who must unite against a common foe – their parents.

No nerds, I have not read the comic books, do not care about possible inaccuracies, really like this show and think it’s the best thing that has come from Marvel (in my opinion). Also, it’s probably the only show on this list that you can watch as a family.

Schitt’s Creek (Netflix)

Suddenly broke, the formerly filthy-rich Rose family is reduced to living in a ramshackle motel in a town they once bought as a joke: Schitt’s Creek

This show is hilarious, I love most of the characters and have been told I act very similar to the mother.

Search Party (TBS)

Search Party is a dark comedy about five self-absorbed 20-somethings who become entangled in an ominous mystery when a former college acquaintance suddenly disappears.

Yep, this show is a prime example of why one ought to always mind their business…

She’s Gotta Have It (Netflix)

Nola Darling struggles to stay true to herself and her dreams while juggling three lovers in this Spike Lee series based on his breakout film

No, I haven’t seen the original. Quite honestly, I have not seen most of Spike Lee’s movies; however, School Daze is one of my favorites. Anyway, I’m assuming this version is a modern spin on the classic; particularly, since the main character uses labels that were not common when the movie was first released.

Shut Eye (Hulu)

SHUT EYE takes a darkly comedic look at the world of Los Angeles storefront psychics and the organized crime syndicate that runs them. Former magician Charlie Haverford (Jeffrey Donovan) oversees a number of fortune telling parlors on behalf of his violent and domineering Romani kingpin boss, until a blow to the head jars him into a new mindset, making him question everything he has ever believed.

Season 2 premieres on December 6th which means you should probably stop reading this blog post, watch Season 1 then return to read the remainder of this post…

Stranger Things (Netflix)

When a young boy vanishes, a small town uncovers a mystery involving secret experiments, terrifying supernatural forces and one strange little girl.

Fun fact: I went to a binge-watching party for Season 2 and snored through the first episode. I mean, I don’t think I was up for 15 minutes. In my defense, it was my last trimester and I was hella tired. After the second episode, I went home and slept for like 6 hours.

The Mayor (ABC)

In the new ABC TV show, young rapper Courtney Rose (Brandon Micheal Hall) runs for mayor of his hometown to generate buzz for his music career. Unfortunately for Courtney, his master plan goes wildly awry, ending in the most terrifying of outcomes: An election victory

Have you ever heard of anyone running for office for attention then actually winning? No? Me neither…

The Mist (Netflix)

Trapped by a mysterious fog, residents of a Maine village discover that it hides nightmarish creatures. A new series based on Stephen King’s novella

Don’t get too attached to this show, there’s only 1 season. I even signed a petition for another season but was the 65th signature so yeah… don’t hold your breath.

Consider this your Christmas present. Now, what you can do for me (because it’s always about me because it’s my blog), read and share my previous post: The Final Trimester & Baby Gumbeaux’s Arrival and follow Pink Gumbeaux and Baby Gumbeaux on social media. Ok, I think that’s it. Be gone!

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Filed under: TV
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THE FINAL TRIMESTER & ARRIVAL OF BABY GUMBEAUX

Baby Gumbeaux & Ugly Hospital Gown

Reader discretion is advised. This blog post contains TMI and may be considered a long read for people with small brains.

Each trimester was worse than the previous. At this point, I got accustomed to sleeping maybe a few hours a night, experienced acid reflux and heartburn all day, could not find a comfortable sitting or sleeping position and spent most of my waking hours agitated. How agitated? Enough for coworkers and bosses to keep asking me “when are you going on maternity leave?” On the other hand, a lot of those symptoms ended the moment I gave birth.

Induction

On November 12th, I arrived at the hospital 15 minutes after my scheduled check-in because I wanted nachos. I had to complete a couple of forms filling in basic information then got to the dumbest question on earth: “Why are you here?” Let’s see… 9 months pregnant, checking into “labor and delivery” and you’re asking me why I’m here? My response? To get this baby out of my body! The nurses thought it was a funny response.

As a result of my cervix not softening and not dilating, I agreed to be induced using a method called Foley Bulb Induction. My bed was lifted to what seemed like the ceiling then the balloon was inserted. I instantly started cramping and was informed it would likely be a painful and uncomfortable night. I was given sleeping pills that did not work.

12 hours later, Pennywise (OBGYN) removed the ballon. I had dilated 1 f***ing centimeter. Plan B? The use of Pitocin which I was on for 11 hours! Contractions got more intense but wasn’t enough for me to get the epidural they kept trying to shove down my throat. After dilating just 2 more centimeters, Pennywise informed me that she would give me 2 more hours but that it was highly likely I would have to get a C-section. I used that final hour to cry. I never considered a C-section, didn’t know much about C-sections, am not here for needles and sharp objects, IT’S MAJOR SURGERY, and recovery would be tougher for Baby Gumbeaux and I.

Delivery

They “graciously” allowed Husband to be with me while I got the Spinal Block (which immediately numbed my body). I asked Husband not to look while they conducted the C-section, I didn’t want him to be scarred for life. Thankfully, the process was super quick. They showed me Baby Gumbeaux and she is gorgeous. I was relieved because ugly babies exist.

Recovery

24 hours after being sliced like a pizza, hospital staff made me walk the hallways. This is the most challenging and painful thing I’ve ever encountered in my entire life. Of course I needed help walking, in and out of bed, when showering and using the bathroom which resulted in me being super comfortable with doctors and nurses seeing me in the nude. Side note: Why are those hospital gowns so unattractive? Who the f*** designs them? Most importantly, why do hospitals keep buying them?

Support

I felt it when I got pregnant and again after the baby. I don’t know how women do it without support. Husband has witnessed a blood clot the size of a baseball dropping out of me, has changed my bedpan and wiped my butt. Just to think, a few weeks ago I didn’t even poop in front of him.

My younger brother has witnessed me pumping on more than one occasion and has the pleasure of cleaning and disposing of bloody, poop and or urine-filled diapers and pads.

Mom’s in town, is super helpful, has been taking some of the midnight shift so we can sleep, telling me that I’m not feeding the baby enough, that I hold her too much (and that it will spoil her) then when I put her down, she proceeds to hold her…

Last but not least are my friends. I kind of struggled with the thought of raising a baby without my family. I had my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and tons of cousins. While Husband does have family here, I think they’ve aged out of the category where they can be super active. These friends are my family now. They have given me tons of advice, hosted my baby shower, bought Baby Gumbeaux a ton of stuff, volunteered to babysit, arrived at the hospital before me, have visited and been supportive postpartum. While I’m at it, I should spread the joy *gag* Family, coworkers, acquaintances, church members and even internet strangers have been helpful, supportive and made this transition a little easier. I mean, as easy as it can be when one is getting no sleep and peed on (4xs at this point).

Read and share past pregnancy posts:

Second Trimester: The Rise and Fall of the Incubator 

Shit Pregnant Wives Say to Their Husbands

Shit Husbands Say to Their Pregnant Wives

The Ultimate Guide to Being Knocked Up

Another Blog Post Complaining About Pregnancy

My “New” Maternity Wardrobe

The First Trimester

Hell Has Frozen over, Pigs Are Flying & I’m Pregnant

Like and follow Baby Gumbeaux on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

May the odds be ever in MY favor. What? I have a newborn, ain’t nobody thinking about you guys.

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ALMOST LESSONS OF A 32-YEAR-OLD 


It’s been like a month, do you miss me? Anyone? No. Anyway, you guys totally missed my birthday. I am still accepting gifts by the way. Note: I am always accepting gifts.

So, I turned 32 on October 12th which means I am pretty much an expert on life. I would also like to add parenting expert on my vitae; although, I have yet to give birth or be a “parent.” Anyway, for some time birthdays have been a time of reflection and goal setting. So, how was 31? Let’s take a walk down memory lane shall we?

For the first time ever, I am considering forgiveness, releasing grudges and revisiting old relationships. I like to cut people off rather swiftly because I don’t like drama, discomfort or draining relationships. Note: The list is long and goes back to the early 2000s so if you’ve pissed me off recently, it’ll take about 15 years for redemption. 

Historically, the environment dictated which Ashlee you would get but this can be exhausting. My dominant traits include being cynical and deadpan (characteristics used to describe this blog) but I can also be super quiet which is likely because I am analyzing the environment, judging you internally and or both.

This past year, I came to a few realizations regarding my professional career. Since 20, I’ve worked hard to maintain both a professional and academic career with supporting extracurriculars and volunteer work. I tried to acquire every skill necessary to obliterate peers. Now? I don’t really care to impress, prove anything or be an organization’s best employee. I would rather be Ashlee’s best employee where there is no limit on creativity, no competition; most importantly, no coworkers cap on salary.

Last but not least, my spending habits continue to drastically change. Everything requires a Cost-Benefit Analysis. I prefer to do my own facials, manicures, pedicures and eat at home because the food sucks out here. Very different from the woman who got weekly manicures, only ate and drunk out, had a spa membership, and a host of other unnecessary shit.

This upcoming year, I hope to successfully drop Baby Gumbeaux. Actually, I am hoping to do that this week because I am tired of being pregnant and she’s tired of being folded up inside of me like a lawnchair. Other goals include but are not limited to finishing the PhD (I need to replace tuition for childcare), monetizing all skills, being the best entrepreneur ever, and doing a better job of staying in touch with family and friends (I guess that means I have to use the telephone, I detest the phone). I would also like to travel more. I largely avoided this because flying while knocked up is uncomfortable and peeing every 15 minutes makes traveling challenging. Maybe I should be nicer and let my guards down too… Nahhhhh!

I am so mature!

Read and share my previous (super old) post: How Insecure Made Me Obsessed with Nick Hakim. Follow me on both Pink Gumbeaux and Baby  Gumbeaux!

Ashlee, out!

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HOW INSECURE MADE ME OBSESSED WITH NICK HAKIM

Insecure has ended, what are we supposed to do with our Sunday nights? Something productive? Eck! Human interaction? I doubt it. Anyway, one thing that can carry us into the next season is their soundtrack.

You can’t tell me it’s not the BEST soundtrack that has ever existed for any show or movie, now and in the future. Not too surprising since some of the music’s curators include Solange, Raphael Sadiq and other super important people we don’t know.

After each episode, I replay songs and buy my favorites. Most recently, Boredom by Tyler, The Creator featuring Rex Orange County, Anna Of The North and Corinne Bailey Rae.

 

I never thought I would like any song from him because I mostly dislike him as a person but alas. What’s worse? I hear the album is pretty good but yeah, this is not what this post is about. It’s about that episode, you know the one. Episode 5 where we all collectively knew Molly f***ed up (literally and figuratively). Although I was outraged, I was paying more attention to the song playing than the actual scene. Turned out, it was Needy Bees by Nick Hakim.

 

Go ahead and listen, I’ll wait here.

I don’t know how to even describe the feeling the song gave me but did listen to it about eight times back-to-back the first time. Then, I decided to do a little research on the artist. Nick Hakim is a D.C. native, singer-songwriter who was inspired by both soul and Nueva Cancion (as a result of his South American parents), became interested in music in his late teens, attended Berklee College of Music, did things broke artists do and now we’re here.

After playing only this song for like a week, I downloaded the album and identified a couple more favorites.

 

 

Unfortunately, I have barely been able to listen to songs outside of these but am fairly confident the rest are equally awesome.

Side note: He has a concert coming up in New Orleans which I may attend and am comfortable with being judged for waddling into a club at 8 months pregnant. Who gone check me? Follow Pink Gumbeaux on social media for judgmental and sometimes funny posts. Read and share my previous post: Second Trimester: The Rise and Fall of the Incubator 

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SECOND TRIMESTER: THE RISE AND FALL OF THE INCUBATOR


Disclaimer: These are my symptoms, everyone is different. While my experience was not the worst, I am dramatic so it was the worst. 

“Wait until your second trimester” they say. “The second trimester will be easier” they say. In the words of Kandi:

THE LIES

THE LIES

THE LIES

Let’s make the bitching quick and seamless. The cyst is shrinking but my fibroid is ride or die. Read about it here. Over the last month, I’ve experienced new pelvic pain, back pain and am fairly certain Baby Gumbeaux has broken my ribs. I never regained energy which is likely a result of not getting adequate sleep which is likely a result of not being able to get into a comfortable position which is likely because Baby Gumbeaux is twerking when we should be resting. I sweat in places I never thought I would; as a result, my current scent is a mixture of Gold Bond, Versace’s Bright Crystal and Cocoa Butter. The Acid Reflux is never ending, yes I’ve taken medication for it and no it doesn’t work. Last but not least, I’ve experienced boob leakage a few times (thankfully just a few) but I think it’s just my boobs letting me know they are locked and loaded.

Interestingly, my doctor’s office has informed me that I am the worst pregnant woman they have encountered. So, you’re telling me I am the only one who panics with every new symptom, Googles them and find out they are life threatening, refuses shots and getting blood taken, demands the butterfly needle and asks a bunch of questions? Not to mention, it took me 45 minutes to drink that disgusting glucose drink (so they can screen my sugar level). I was in the parking lot gagging but some women just drink it like a shot of Patron. Obviously, something is wrong with those women… Speaking of being the worst pregnant woman ever, it may seem super helpful to download a ton of pregnancy apps and subscribe to their newsletters but my doctor has disagreed with nearly all of them so I eventually stopped reading them and would just call her if I had any questions.

One of the biggest benefits of being pregnant is people wanting to feed me and always sympathizing with me being knocked up in the summer. This can result in extra, free or discounted food and skipping lines. Yesterday, a woman charged me the kids meal price for tacos. The day before (when I inquired about discount pregnancy nuggets), I got like 14 additional nuggets. The 6 I had was sufficient but after harassing them for the last few visits, I guess this was the compromise. It took me like 30 minutes to eat all of those nuggets…

The second trimester is when Baby Gumbeaux became most active. It went from flutters to full on dance party. For the last few weeks, she has started to respond to Husband. When he talks to her, she goes nuts. It makes me think I have lost the battle of being her best friend. She also responds to me tapping on my belly. It’s kind of like:

*TAP TAP* “What’s up Baby Gumbeaux?” Then she responds like:

*TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP* “Chilling.”

I think she is super nosy too. Husband and I had one of our intellectual debates and she may have mistaken it for us arguing and got real still. I tapped on my belly and asked her to choose a side, she remained quiet but was back active like 10 minutes later. Ear hustler.

I am currently 30 weeks, in my last trimester and done. The baby is due in 10 weeks but I predict 8 weeks because I am no longer about this life, she’ll be cooked enough. Until then, I am looking forward to milking it and trying to get early maternity leave. Read and share my post on the first trimester: The First Trimester Ft. Baby Gumbeaux. Don’t forget, I’ve created separate social media so I won’t stink up Pink Gumbeaux with baby stuff you care nothing about. “Like” Baby Gumbeaux on Facebook, and follow on Twitter and Instagram.