Most importantly, I survived a month of motherhood. By the way, the word “motherhood” is super aggressive, is there an alternative?
About Baby Gumbeaux
In 1 month, I’ve changed numerous poop- and pee-filled diapers; although, sitting in dirty diapers and onesies is one of her favorite pastimes. By the way, she has already pooped and peed on me and vomited down my boobs which clearly demonstrates the level of respect she has for me.
She sounds like she’s having a panic attack when her pacifier isn’t in or near her mouth and screams like a banshee when we take too long to get her bottle.
She falls asleep when I play Diana Ross’s greatest hits, thinks “Tummy Time” is for chumps, and prefers listening to “5 Minute Minnie Tales” over all other books including the Bible which leads me to believe she’s probably Muslim.
The most challenging thing is the lack of sleep. She seems to be most alert when we are sleepy and spends the wee hours staring at us and probably hoping we turn into stone. Note: I have not received a full night of sleep since I was 19 weeks pregnant which means I’ve been deprived of sleep for nearly a f***ing year!
Update: Husband read this post and told me “don’t act like I don’t keep the baby overnight so you can sleep a few hours.”
I prayed, meditated, spent my Ibotta cash on an album full of pregnancy and parenting affirmations and think I have a pretty good support system so I was well-prepared to bypass Postpartum Depression; however, it’s inevitable.
I cried more in the short period after having the baby then I did in the entire pregnancy and suffered from high blood pressure the first time in my life which resulted in a visit to my doctor’s office and the emergency room. To make matters worse, I still mull over the C-Section and not being able to produce a sufficient amount of breastmilk (although I am now working with a lactation doctor to change things).
I’m doing a lot better than my first few weeks but will chat with my OBGYN at my appointment to determine if I need additional help aka drugs!
I spent my entire pregnancy nauseous, with heartburn and acid reflux, and suffering from food aversion; as a result, I only gained 8 pounds. Sounds cool, right? Less weight to lose; however, it was something that could’ve put Baby at risk so it was not something I did intentionally.
Right before I started my 3rd Trimester, my OBGYN wanted me to gain 7 pounds. I gained 5, got sick, lost 5 then lost a few pounds prior to giving birth (which means I basically gained no weight).
What I do have is a weird stomach. When I left the hospital, I looked 6 months pregnant. I was told it takes time for swelling to go down and for everything to retract. The area immediately surrounding my belly button shakes like jello and the area below that is painful and the area below that area is still numb (probably from the C-Section). Last but not least, the stretch marks seem to have grown out of nowhere so I’ve increased the amount of times I exfoliate and am basically sliding around my apartment from all of the Cocoa Butter I’m wearing.