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Disclaimer: These are my symptoms, everyone is different. While my experience was not the worst, I am dramatic so it was the worst. 

“Wait until your second trimester” they say. “The second trimester will be easier” they say. In the words of Kandi:




Let’s make the bitching quick and seamless. The cyst is shrinking but my fibroid is ride or die. Read about it here. Over the last month, I’ve experienced new pelvic pain, back pain and am fairly certain Baby Gumbeaux has broken my ribs. I never regained energy which is likely a result of not getting adequate sleep which is likely a result of not being able to get into a comfortable position which is likely because Baby Gumbeaux is twerking when we should be resting. I sweat in places I never thought I would; as a result, my current scent is a mixture of Gold Bond, Versace’s Bright Crystal and Cocoa Butter. The Acid Reflux is never ending, yes I’ve taken medication for it and no it doesn’t work. Last but not least, I’ve experienced boob leakage a few times (thankfully just a few) but I think it’s just my boobs letting me know they are locked and loaded.

Interestingly, my doctor’s office has informed me that I am the worst pregnant woman they have encountered. So, you’re telling me I am the only one who panics with every new symptom, Googles them and find out they are life threatening, refuses shots and getting blood taken, demands the butterfly needle and asks a bunch of questions? Not to mention, it took me 45 minutes to drink that disgusting glucose drink (so they can screen my sugar level). I was in the parking lot gagging but some women just drink it like a shot of Patron. Obviously, something is wrong with those women… Speaking of being the worst pregnant woman ever, it may seem super helpful to download a ton of pregnancy apps and subscribe to their newsletters but my doctor has disagreed with nearly all of them so I eventually stopped reading them and would just call her if I had any questions.

One of the biggest benefits of being pregnant is people wanting to feed me and always sympathizing with me being knocked up in the summer. This can result in extra, free or discounted food and skipping lines. Yesterday, a woman charged me the kids meal price for tacos. The day before (when I inquired about discount pregnancy nuggets), I got like 14 additional nuggets. The 6 I had was sufficient but after harassing them for the last few visits, I guess this was the compromise. It took me like 30 minutes to eat all of those nuggets…

The second trimester is when Baby Gumbeaux became most active. It went from flutters to full on dance party. For the last few weeks, she has started to respond to Husband. When he talks to her, she goes nuts. It makes me think I have lost the battle of being her best friend. She also responds to me tapping on my belly. It’s kind of like:

*TAP TAP* “What’s up Baby Gumbeaux?” Then she responds like:

*TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP* “Chilling.”

I think she is super nosy too. Husband and I had one of our intellectual debates and she may have mistaken it for us arguing and got real still. I tapped on my belly and asked her to choose a side, she remained quiet but was back active like 10 minutes later. Ear hustler.

I am currently 30 weeks, in my last trimester and done. The baby is due in 10 weeks but I predict 8 weeks because I am no longer about this life, she’ll be cooked enough. Until then, I am looking forward to milking it and trying to get early maternity leave. Read and share my post on the first trimester: The First Trimester Ft. Baby Gumbeaux. Don’t forget, I’ve created separate social media so I won’t stink up Pink Gumbeaux with baby stuff you care nothing about. “Like” Baby Gumbeaux on Facebook, and follow on Twitter and Instagram.


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