Disclaimer: No feelings were hurt during this interview; however, spouses remain severely agitated.
Now, the list of common words and phrases by yours truly also known as Incubator also known as Me also known as the Person Formally known as Ashlee who sometimes goes by the Pregnancy Emoji.
It’s kind of a Prince reference, get it?
“You don’t like me, do you?”
Husband: When Incubator says this, I think she’s being extra.
Incubator: Of our entire relationship, I know I am most annoying right now. I’ve caught him rolling his eyes several times which usually results in me asking him if he dislikes and or hates me
but I assure you, being pregnant is way more annoying then whatever I do to him. The nerve.
Husband: While I do understand Baby Gumbeaux has increased Incubator’s appetite, I think she’s milking it a tad bit.
Incubator: That does not sound “understanding” at all *stares*
“Do I look pregnant today?”
Husband: She asks me this everyday. I think she is still in shock and that it hasn’t set in yet.
Incubator: From my angle, it often looks like a potbelly *shoulder shrug*
“I have to pee.”
Husband: She says it’s because the baby is sitting on her bladder but I don’t think Baby Gumbeaux would do such a thing.
Incubator: She’s controlling him and not even here yet. He’s going out like a sucker.
“Don’t touch me.”
Husband: She doesn’t want me to get her pregnant again.
Incubator: *points to belly*
“Are you going to ditch me after your new toy arrives?”
Husband: No, who’s going to feed her?
Incubator: My parents and grandparents have told me they are ditching me for the new model, I don’t think he’s being honest. I predict the following scenario:
Baby Gumbeaux: “Hey Dad, whose that old lady who stays in the basement?”
Husband: “Oh that’s your mom.”
“Rub my feet.”
Husband: I know the baby is causing the Incubator’s feet to swell but it could also be those heels she’s still trying to squeeze into.
Incubator: Really? Could you not put my business in the streets? 🗣 I ONLY WEAR HEELS LIKE ONCE A WEEK!
“Pay attention to me.”
Husband: Incubator needs extra attention during this time.
Incubator: So, I read this is likely because I need help protecting the baby. It’s some type of extraterrestrial instinct or something because I really don’t like him like that.
“You’re annoying me…”