Disclaimer: No feelings were hurt from the below comments, I actually find my Husband’s comments quiet entertaining.
*clears throat* Now, to the list of things I hear nearly every single day.
“Have you taken your prenatal vitamin?”
Never did he care about my supplement intake until he impregnated me with his spawn. At least twice a day, he asks me this and rarely believes me. I sometimes think it would be better for him to administer the supplement to me then speak to my belly and confirm Baby Gumbeaux has received the nutrients she needs.
“Why are you so gassy?”
Listen, I am an incubator. I no longer have any control over my body. Unfortunately, I am most gassy early in the morning and at night, while in bed with Husband. It sounds worse than it is and doesn’t have a smell. It’s just Baby Gumbeaux using me to say “Hi Daddy.”
“You can’t be hungry again.”
No, actually I am not hungry. I was accustomed to eating mac and cheese as a meal but YOUR baby is never satisfied so feed me.
“Stop blaming everything on the baby.”
This guy acts like he has not been with me for 7 years. He knows I have not been this gassy ever in my entire life but will not blame anything on his precious seed. When confronted about this, he stated that he doesn’t know if he ever really knew me…
I was a DD before I got knocked up and don’t even want to guess what size they are now. What’s worse, I’m just 24 weeks so I know there is a chance they could double. This will likely result in me no longer needing to use my legs; instead, floating from room to room via my boobs. Nonetheless, he’s a man so he likes it. Which brings me to the following:
“I am going to get you pregnant.”
If you’ve been following me, have read the title, and or have read most of this post you know that I am already pregnant but he’s very attracted to my changing body. It’s kind of weird and I often fear for my life.
“I don’t think you can fit that anymore.”
“Come on, let me grease you.”
Translation: Let me apply the butter so I can help you prevent stretch marks
but mostly because I am a perv.
“Come here, let me put your belly belt on.”
I can actually do this by myself but if it makes him feel like a helpful noodle, strap me up!
“You shouldn’t run, you look like a muffin with legs.”
Just when I thought I could get a brief jog in, I quickly changed my mind because I now look like “a muffin with legs.” Power walk it is…
“You’re so pretty.”
Husband is looking forward to writing his blog post on my most frequent words and phrases which are most likely complaints. “Like” Baby Gumbeaux on Facebook, and follow on Twitter and Instagram. Read and share my previous post: The Ultimate Guide to Being Knocked Up