It all started when I received a text from an aunt asking me to stop by her house after work. I found this unusual because I’ve never received a direct invite before. I consider myself as Husband’s plus-one. On the other hand, I think pregnancy makes family want to be closer so I agreed to drop by but spent the next 2 hours of work wondering what she could possibly want with me. So I figured it was likely because she has millions of dollars hidden in the walls of her home and wants to establish an inheritance for Baby Gumbeaux or because she wants to kill me because I don’t have the pedigree to continue the family line.
Once inside of her living room, I saw tons of shopping bags. Did she buy stuff for Baby Gumbeaux? How sweet but I hope she kept the receipt. However, she just kept walking until we reached her bedroom. It was the first time I had been that far in her house. I don’t remember what she said word-for-word because it was an out-of-body experience but it was along the lines of don’t shop for maternity clothes because I have tons and tons of plus-sized clothing scattered throughout several closets and you’re welcome to it. That’s super nice, right? Sure, but plus-sized clothing does not necessarily equate to maternity clothing. Most importantly, she’s 70 and I am 31 but it gets kind of worse. I had to try on each piece of clothing. This is the most compliant I have ever been in my life but quiet honestly, I never got the opportunity to say “no thank you.” Also, the situation is a little complex because I did recognize it as extending an olive branch. Me rejecting aforementioned olive branch would result in me being deemed ungrateful and uppity which is mostly true.
My new “maternity” wardrobe is very colorful and consists of materials and patterns I have yet to identify. Note: I need cotton and breathable materials. I am already a sweater but worst since becoming an incubator. Anyway, there were a lot of 3-piece sets. You know, tops and bottoms or dresses that come with the buttom down shirt because a lady never shows her shoulders or elbows. However, you should be happy to know that I drew the line at pantsuits. I detest them.
Although the plus-sized clothing is twice my pre-incubator size, I know that my growing boobs, belly and butt could easily fill up certain sections of the new wardrobe. And quiet honestly, it was not all bad. There are some basics that could be altered to look more like the sexy pregnant woman that I am but she wants her clothes back; as a result, there will be no altering
or delivering clothes to the Salvation Army in the middle of the night.
The last stop on the “maternity” shopping tour was a closet full of coats. I thought I saw a fur back there and because I am new money, I would definitely wear it. Year around and everywhere such as shopping for groceries, pumping gas, getting a manicure, etc. If this post does not get me banned, I am coming for that fur.
Last but not least, no I have not worn anything yet and yes I’ve seen here since my shopping spree. The last time she said “you better get out of those tight clothes” which was actually a maternity bodycon dress
because it’s 2017 and pregnant women no longer have to hide their bumps or dress in circus tents. Yeah, so… “like” Baby Gumbeaux on Facebook, and follow on Twitter and Instagram. Read and share my previous post: Faux Product Review 48: Sacha Buttercup Setting Powder