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THE FIRST TRIMESTER FT. BABY GUMBEAUX 

Disclaimer: These are my symptoms, everyone is different. While my experience was not the worst, I am dramatic so it was the worst. 

My first symptom as an incubator was fatigue. I could barely get up in the morning, slept during my lunch break, fell asleep as soon as I got home and slept my weekends away. Although I increased my workouts for energy, it didn’t work. Actually, I am still quite tired and think I will take a break right now.

OK, I’m back. Next, was balancing hunger with nausea. I was accustomed to eating breakfast when I felt like it (which was usually a smoothie) and had appetizers for lunch and dinner but no. Baby Gumbeaux demanded I eat when I woke up then snack, lunch then snack, dinner then snack. I understand the new trend is to eat several small meals a day but that has not been my ministry. On the other hand, I am grateful that I did not suffer from excessive vomiting; although, I was really excited to vomit on people I don’t like. No wild cravings but I always have a really bad aftertaste which works out in my favor because when I say someone’s food sucks, I can now blame pregnancy and everyone should believe me but probably not. Mostly, because I just told you my plan.

I am not particularly fond of the teenage acne that has emerged. I pay entirely too much money for skincare and follow too many steps to look like Nestle Crunch and as stated in my previous post, I’m less “pregnancy glow” and more “soul glow.” Note: If you don’t know what I am talking about, please google that reference. Damn Millennials. 

One symptom that was very scary and is likely here to stay is cramping. I thought I left that shit with my menstrual period. Apparently, it’s as a result of of my uterus expanding and feels like Baby Gumbeaux is shanking me. I did not experience any spotting and no constipation. That’s for suckers.

Last but not least, pregnancy has resulted in the shortest patience on earth which is surprising because I thought I already had the shortest patience on earth. When some things bothered me, I would just ignore it or talk behind their backs but some of these people now get a response. A very nasty response. The kind of responses that could end relationships and do you know what my immediate reaction is after such wickedness? Laughing hysterically. A quote from a friend: “You will go down in history as the meanest, crankiest pregnant woman in the history of the world and nobody will ever say hey Ashlee, have another baby.” She then named me “Preguella DeVille” which I like and would like on a t-shirt. However, I’ve tried to avoid these situations and attempted to get advice. Luckily, I was able to vent to my pregnancy cohort in the “What to Expect” App and learned that we are all living in a constant state of rage. How cool is that?

Well, this was fun. Read and share my previous post: Faux Product Review 47: True Complexion BB Cream Don’t forget, I’ve created separate social media so I won’t stink up Pink Gumbeaux with baby stuff you care nothing about. “Like” Baby Gumbeaux on Facebook, and follow on Twitter and Instagram.

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4 Comments

  1. Pingback: FAUX PRODUCT REVIEW 48: SACHA BUTTERCUP SETTING POWDER | PINK GUMBEAUX

  2. Pingback: ANOTHER BLOG POST COMPLAINING ABOUT PREGNANCY FT. BABY GUMBEAUX | PINK GUMBEAUX

  3. Pingback: SECOND TRIMESTER: THE RISE AND FALL OF THE INCUBATOR | PINK GUMBEAUX

  4. Pingback: THE FINAL TRIMESTER & ARRIVAL OF BABY GUMBEAUX | PINK GUMBEAUX

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