Monthly archives of “July 2016

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STORYTIME 1: THE THIRST IS REAL 

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If my experiences can help at least one person, I’ve done my job.

So…

While in a work meeting (which are usually lengthy), I got super thirsty. Without consciously giving it any thought, I grabbed a bottle of water and started drinking it. I felt refreshed and thought to myself, I really need to drink more water. Minutes later, it dawned on me that I did not bring water to this meeting!!!! Note: During the last meeting, I was informed we could no longer bring water into the meeting.

I silently lost my shit. I’m trying not to draw any attention to myself because this is a packed meeting and I’m sitting in the front. So I ask one of my colleagues “is this your water?” She said no and I thought thank God! We don’t like each other much so if I drunk after someone, let it be someone I like! She asked another colleague and confirmed it was hers. I like her a little and she always has good candy but we not cool like that. Not in a drinking after, possible backwash kind of way…

My throat starts closing, I think I heard her sneeze but I’m not sure. I start thinking the worst. What if my lips fall off? I just need all of my prayer warriors to say a prayer for me. I’m about to take a Zicam, rinse with holy water and meditate.

Did this happen because I talked about Alicia Keys yesterday? Did Illuminati do this to me?

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KANSAS CITY 

Last week, I traveled to Kansas City to attend a summit. Kansas City is not a place I ever envisioned visiting but I’m sure people say the same about Jackson, Mississippi… Upon arrival, I was pleasantly surprised.

Side Note: I was sick throughout the entire trip plus the summit kept me uber busy so I didn’t do much.

Source: Nelson-Atkins Musuem

I stayed at the Kansas City Marriott Country Club Plaza which was in close proximity to a couple of museums: Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art and Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art  (which are free but operate on weird hours so the art I saw was usually from the front lawn). We also walked around County Club Plaza which is a beautiful 15-block district of retail and restaurants but due to feeling like death warmed over (whatever that means, I just know old people say it), I was more interested in going to bed. I think it’s the first time in my life I walked in and out of an Urban Outfitters without buying anything.

Kansas City is know for their BBQ so our first stop for the ultimate BBQ experience was at Gates Bar-B-Q. While standing in line waiting for my half slab of ribs (or whatever it’s called) and fries, I nearly fainted which lead to one of the employees telling me a pregnant woman fainted a couple of days earlier. I had to assure him I was not carrying any spawn. Back to the BBQ, it sucked. The sauce was really weird but I liked their fries… The following day, a friend suggested Q39 which was a 40 minute wait so I had very high expectations. I loved the design and atmosphere of the restaurant, they probably sold awesome booze which I didn’t get to taste (because sick), allowed me to buy ribs individually (half rack or stack is usually too much) and had awesome Mac and Cheese.


They also gave me cornbread which I bypassed.

The final restaurant we visited was Char Bar. Really cool concept, large outside patio with games, great cocktails (I’m assuming because…sick) but I did not like the food. Most of the group I was with barely touched their food but it was free so who cares…

There were a few other attractions we got to visit: Crown Center (which is great for kids but not great for people who hate kids) and Union Station which is absolutely beautiful.

Source: Austin Chinaberry

Union Station had a host of retail, restaurants and museums but we didn’t spend much time there due to rushing to the trolley for a 90 minute tour. During the tour we learned that Kansas City was once run by a mafia of some type, they really really like fountains (is this where tax dollars are going), they have a lot of museums and the Power and Light District looked lit from the trolley. Oh and they are really into free parking and have a free streetcar downtown.

Overall, it was a pretty-good, sickly trip. And lucky for me, I’ll be returning in a few weeks for a family reunion where I will be trying to figure out how to ditch family to do all the things I didn’t get to do the first time.

Side note: Does Kansas City have a stench or is it me? It smells like teenage boys.

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DRUNK YOGA 

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Up until Wednesday, the last time I did yoga was in 2008 or 2009.  I attended a business networking event that fused yoga with booze opposed to the traditional business presentations and networking. They had me at wine, yoga was an afterthought.

According to the dictionary:

Yoga is any of the methods or disciplines prescribed, especially a series of postures and breathing exercises practiced to achieve control of the body and mind, tranquility, etc.

So, my first time doing yoga was weird. The room was dark (which means I wouldn’t be able to see if someone was trying to shank me), there was a diffuser spraying a light mist of essential oils (and possibly some type of mystery toxin), and soft music playing. Basically, an intimate setting. Is this yoga or the night of my honeymoon?

Then there was the yoga poses that I couldn’t quite get. I’m not flexible at all. This resulted in the yoga teacher putting her paws on me to help me into different poses. At the end of the class, we had to meditate and the instructor massaged us individually. Basically, I felt like I was a part of some sort of orgy.

This time around, I had a couple of glasses of wine before assuming the position(s). The poses were easier and could even be done at my desk at work. Like if I get annoyed by a situation, I just go into Downward-Facing Dog. After class, I felt super relaxed and even happy. I called my mom and told her to “stay positive” in which she responded with “you’re drunk as a skunk.” I texted my dad “I love you” and never received a response. I attempted to hug my little brother but failed. I sent virtual hugs to my friends via Facebook Messenger. And, it wasn’t just the booze because I felt the same the next day. Maybe I ought to incorporate this into my routine a few days a week.

Although the ladies of Joyflow Yoga did an absolutely awesome job instructing us, I am too poor for membership and will likely look up a few moves on YouTube.

Nameste.

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