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Of course I was speeding but I expected to get away with it because (1) I was in a Volkswagen Beetle and (2) I’m cute. At the time the pig was giving me the ticket, I was more concerned about being late for my meeting but as time progressed I started feeling guilty. Oh, and then there’s the expensive ticket so I decided I would plead my case in court opposed to just paying the ticket.

The court is in walking distance from my job so I brought a few things with me opposed to bringing my purse, I was trying to look homely. The security guard pointed me in the direction of the check-in window where I prayed they didn’t have my ticket (so my case would be thrown out) but they had it so off to court I went.

Upon arrival, the court grand master (or whatever he is) told us that we had to sit in the back of the courtroom and that the front rows were reserved for attorneys. EXCUSE ME? My ancestors did not fight for me to sit on the back row of this filthy courtroom! So I did what any woman of my stature would do, I sat in the back. I didn’t want any trouble, the ticket was enough for me.

While waiting, I posted some thoughts:

At traffic court for speeding, I’m so ashamed #pinkcriminal

Why does it stink in here? Is it part of my punishment? #trafficcourt #pinkcriminal #itstinks

With all these people in here for speeding tickets, surely they can afford plugins #trafficcourt #pinkcriminal #itstinks

The personnel at traffic court are RUDE. We are the criminals, why are they tripping? #trafficcourt #pinkcriminal #itstinks

I don’t like the word “guilty.” Is there an alternative? #trafficcourt #pinkcriminal #itstinks

Will I get points for a cute outfit? #trafficcourt #pinkcriminal #itstinks

Is there a payment plan? #trafficcourt #pinkcriminal #itstinks #iaintgotit

What would the Puerto Rican Princess do? #trafficcourt #pinkcriminal #itstinks #joselinehelpme

I’m realizing that hygiene is not everyone’s priority #trafficcourt #pinkcriminal #itstinks #becauseeveryonestinks

Before the judge arrived, court master flex did a roll call of some sort. When he called our name, we had to plead “guilty” or “not guilty.”I thought:

OMG, I have to say “guilty” out loud? Does he know I am a public servant? I am getting a degree in public policy and administration for goodness sake! This can ruin me!

So, I pleaded guilty but softly… *whispers* guilty.

Besides noticing the courtroom stinks because some of my fellow criminals stunk, people brought a friend or two with them. Then I wondered, where is my support system? Husband? My little brother? In-laws? I needed them and they weren’t there!

Finally, the judge arrived and he was fine. I listened as they called people’s names and described their infractions. I was shocked by the amount of people driving with suspended licenses and no insurance. One guy who already had two tickets drove to court with a suspended license. The judge gave him another ticket. Then, it was my turn. Court snitch stated that I had been driving 22 miles over the speed limit. Judge Fine is like “where were you going in such a hurry?” I told him I was rushing from one meeting to another, then Judge Fine told me “you’re going to hurt someone in that Beetle.”

I still had to pay the ticket but he allowed me to take a class to get it removed from my record. I had served my time.

If I can save one person, I’ve done my job with this blog post. Don’t be like me, don’t get a speeding ticket.



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  1. Piper cracked me up with those lines!

    Anywho, I needed this. I, too, must handle a traffic ticket before it gets out of hand. I’m not guilty though.. Maybe I should stop paying insurance too….


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