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10 CLOVERFIELD LANE: BOOTLEG HAIR SALON MOVIE

Source: IMDb

Source: IMDb

Disclaimer: I’M SNITCHING! I’m telling the whole movie in 3 minutes or less so go to one of my older posts if you don’t want me to spoil it for you. You guys know I need the views. 

Any who, Husband and I decided to mosey down to our local movie theater because tickets are half priced on Tuesdays. Upon arrival, we were informed that the tickets would be full price because it’s playing on their “HD” screen. What does that even mean?

This movie had a budget of 1500 bucks and stared 3 people: John Goodman (Howard), Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Michelle) and John Gallagher, Jr (Emmett). It opens with a skyline view of New Orleans *insert second line here,* Michelle packing her crap, showing a semi-professional manicure, and leaving her Fiancé. While on the road, Fiancé calls and begs Michelle to return. She hangs up, is preoccupied with him calling her back, gets in an accident, and flips 457 times. She wakes up in the bunker like:

Source: IMDb

Source: IMDb

Girl, this is your fault. There are too many campaigns that discuss “driving while distracted.” While Howard did “save” her, he later revealed that he caused the accident because he was trying to get to his bunker before the alien squad showed up. Basically, aliens are trying to takeover, the air is contaminated and sis can’t leave. Luckily, Howard was well prepared, with his crazy ass butt (sorry Mom). It became clear that Howard had rules and just wanted them to be a dysfunctional family.

Source: IMDb

Source: IMDb

And, then there’s Emmett.  Some guy who lives nearby, helped Howard build the bunker, witnessed the alien squad, and deboed his way into the bunker. Of course Emmett and Michelle become friends, agree that Howard is batshit crazy, and create a plan of escape. At this point, Michelle’s mani is total crap. Then, Howard suspects they’re up to something, and threatens them with acid which results in Emmett taking blame and meeting his maker. A moment of silence for my guy How… … … Michelle knows that she doesn’t have to go home but that she does have to get the hell out of there!

Source: IMDb

Source: IMDb

She escapes and comes to the realization that there are indeed aliens. Of course, she doesn’t go out without a fight and succeeds by throwing a lit bottle of booze into the mouth of the spaceship, alien thingy. Seriously, this broad should have died at least three times and survived this?

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Once down the road, she hears a radio broadcasting that says survivors should go to Baton Rouge to “Netflix and chill “or Houston “to turn up and fight aliens.” She turns towards the sign for Houston but I don’t think she’ll make it on that tank of gas…

Guys, I’ll be in Seattle for a few days and may not have the opportunity to blog because, Seattle. Of course, it’ll be more fun than talking to you. Peace!

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4 Comments

  1. Was it supposed to be scary? Sounds kinda funny, but that just might be your wording. It’s definitely your wording.

    Why do they keep making movies like this?

  2. Pingback: SEATTLE  | PINKGUMBEAUX

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