Monthly archives of “March 2016

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1 YEAR OF MARRIAGE FT. HUSBAND

Right after our courthouse nuptials

Right after our courthouse nuptials

Yesterday, we celebrated our one-year anniversary *insert cheers and applause here.* Honestly, one year has not differed much from 6 Months of Marriage. Sharing of the bank account and closet is still blah, late night snack runs is still a thing, and his cousin is still bitter. Just yesterday he told us, on our anniversary “1 year is great, wait until you’re married for 5.” Note: This fool hasn’t even been married for 5 years! 

It’s kind of cool having an automatic support system and best friend. Husband, what about you?

I didn’t have any preconceived expectations, I just know I’m with a person I want to spend the rest of my life with. 

Awww…

Husband wanted to take a selfie, I did not.

Husband wanted to take a selfie, I did not.

Our apartment has been a mess, you have a lot of stuff.

I need all of those things…

I’ve had a few, internal challenges. Not anything triggered by you, possibly society. I’ve fought being what’s considered a traditional wife. I have a career and am working on a PhD yet a lot of people think being married is the greatest accomplishment a woman can have. “How often do you cook for him?” “When are you having kids?” As if my existence is to produce for everyone but myself…

In the beginning of our marriage, I made a concious effort not to be influenced by anyone and especially “society.” You cooking for me and having my babies is not something that should be done in response to society but in response to make one another happy. 

On the inside, I’m whiping away a single tear. Moving on, when can I get a kitten?

You don’t have time for a kitten. 

unnamed

So, we’re building a duplex together. Building design by you, interior by me.

Tentatively, interior design by you because you may get fired. So, what are three things you didn’t know about me until we got married?

  1. You sleep like the Tasmanian Devil (Looney Toons reference)
  2. You struggle with mornings, it takes you forever to get out of the bed.
  3. I knew you were nice but like you’re like level 100 nice, to everyone…for no reason, lol

What about me?

  1. You use a lot of beauty products and various “serums.” What’s a serum? 
  2. You’re addicted to reality TV shows.
  3. I didn’t realize you didn’t know how smart you are. 

I didn’t know I would become so protective of you. I don’t want anyone to take advantage of you.

I’m a big boy, I can handle myself. I didn’t realize that being married to you for 1 year and being with you for over 5, I can still look at you and say “oh, she fine!”

…Thanks honey. That’s another thing I like about you. You compliment me everyday. Sometimes multiple times a day. Any advice for newlyweds?

Remember this: Marriage is a privilege and not a chore. Always look at your spouse like a blessing and you’ll never take it for granted.

For me, I would recommend drinking plenty of water, keeping people out of your business and avoiding all the bitter married people. I’m talking to you cousin… … … It’s really fun. Continue dating and try having new experiences. Anything we should work on?

Not eating past 7PM. 

Right! And we need to ensure we are at the gym, consistently. Note: We are writing this as we eat a Chipotle Baja Brownie topped with vanilla ice cream and tequila caramel. 

Husband giving me a tour of his new gig.

Husband giving me a tour of his new gig.

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SEATTLE 

The people of Seattle are weird. I kept thinking that I would either be shanked or swept away by a tsunami or earthquake (See Weather Channel’s “It Could Happen Tomorrow”)

Although they are super friendly (genuinely, not fake like people in the south), some don’t believe in personal space. In particular, the homeless community. There were a lot of homeless people, homeless dogs and even homeless people from the transgender community. Something I’ve never seen before… Actually, I almost got into a scuffle with one. While waiting for the city bus (because we wanted to be locals), I took a picture of bus stop art:

Source: Pink Gumbeaux

Source: Pink Gum beaux

Well, the heffa thought I was taking a picture of her and went off! I thought I was going to have to “square up.”

Seattle is beautiful, clean, cold and expensive. It’s surrounded by water with mountains in the backdrop:

Source: Pink Gumbeaux

Source: Pink Gumbeaux

There is a host of new housing and development which is likely due to the many companies headquartered here.

We did a lot of walking and even took the Seattle Center Monorail from Westlake Center Mall to the Space Needle:

Source: Pink Gumbeaux

Source: Pink Gumbeaux

And luckily, we had good weather most of the time we’ve been here. In addition to my boring conference sessions, I was able to take a Land and Water Tour, ride to the top of the Space Needle, take an underground walking tour below the streets of Seattle (boring), visit Pike Place Market, the Museum of History and Industry (boring), take the Banbride Island Ferry to Banbridge Island (duh), and watch a movie in their old ass IMAX.

Surprisingly, the food was really good. My favorite was Biscuit Bitch and not because I like saying “Biscuit Bitch.” Well, mostly because I like saying “Biscut Bitch.” Biscuit Bitch… I ordered a biscuit, eggs, bacon and garlic grits. Note: Husband said “Don’t expect grits out here, they only do that in the south.” Humph.

Source: Pink Gumbeaux

Source: Pink Gumbeaux

Just one day left on my trip and I’m ready to call my brother and have him ship my stuff here. I don’t want to leave but, life…

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Biscuit Bitch.

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ENLIGHTENMENT THROUGH WISDOM TEETH PAIN

Source: Tumblr

Source: Tumblr

It was just last month (Read: Thoughts During My Semi-Annual Dental Exam) when I had my dental exam. Once again, they were concerned about my wisdom teeth and encouraged me to schedule a consultation with an oral surgeon. Of course, I blew the dentist off. What does he know? I’ve had my wisdom teeth forever and it’s not always necessary to get them removed.

I went back to my usual: working, being paranoid about my dissertation, avoiding people and dabbing on my haters until I started feeling a little pain this past Sunday. Each day it intensified so I proceeded with the consultation, obtained a prescription for antibiotics and pain and scheduled the extraction (April 1st). Thing is, I have a very high tolerance for pain medication so…I’m still in excruciating pain but hopefully the antibiotics will take care of that in a few days.

My wisdom teeth are backstabbing bastards. First, I have 6 of them. One in particular is laying horizontal, off on its own, doing what the hell it wants. That tooth won’t be able to be fully removed. The dentist said something about it effecting a nerve and possibly loosing feeling in my bottom lip so…yeah, go ahead and leave half of that mutha there. Due to my particular case, I should expect to experience hell-like pain for 48 hours and a longer than usual recovery. Oh joy.

This got me thinking, what have I done to deserve this? I’ve listed some things I can change in exchange for the universe forgiving me and removing my pain. In no particular order:

  1. Giving up my resting bitch face for a “genuine” smile.
  2. Not picking fights with toddlers behind their parent’s backs at grocery stores.
  3. No longer judging women who line their lips and eyebrows with black liner.
  4. No longer wearing tights as pants on weekends.
  5. No longer wishing they would cut the scenes of Kim Fields from the Real Housewives of Atlanta.
  6. No longer wishing that the guy with the lace front locs get killed off the Walking Dead.
  7. No longer mentally covering my ears every time the choir sings. It’s not them, it’s me.
  8. No longer threatening my brother when he eats my leftovers. What’s mine is yours little brother.
  9. Maybe, possibly…forming relationships with new family (i.e. My stepmonster stepmother).
  10. Not judging Jaynae for not wearing color (Read: Panic! At the Lip Color).
  11. Not making my mother-in-law watch marathons of Big Freedia: Queen of Bounce again.
  12. Cleaning my car trunk.
  13. Not being socially weird at church and “touching” my neighbors as instructed.
  14. Limiting my use of emojis.
  15. Not wishing that men with cul-de-sac hairlines would just shave all of their hair off. Do you boo.

Just writing this list is easing the pain or the Hydrocodone just kicked in… When you know better, you do better. When you do better, your mouth won’t hurt and you won’t have to get your wisdom teeth removed. I hope to have changed at least one life with this post.

God bless America!

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FAUX PRODUCT REVIEW 12: SECHE DRY FAST TOP COAT

Source:

Source: Evoke

The wealthier I get (in my head), the more expensive my nail polish. Most recently, I thought there was nothing better than Deborah Lippmann’s Hard Rock and Addicted to Speed which I’ve been using for the last couple of years.

I don’t remember where or when I saw advertisement for Seche Dry Fast Top Coat; however, I decided to try it out since I live my life on the edge (and had a 25% off coupon).

Source: Sally Beauty Supply

Source: Sally Beauty Supply

The patented formula allows the top coat to penetrate through the nail lacquer to the base coat, forming a single solid coating over the nail plate for a much more durable finish. Guaranteed not to yellow while leaving nails silky, stronger and resistant to chipping and peeling. Can be used on natural nails, nail enhancements and pedicures. Seche Dry Fast Top Coat is an award winning top coat year after year that provides a durable high gloss shine.

Per Federal Law, I applied Hard Rock Base and Top Coat Nail Strengthening, two coats of color and Seche. As advertised, it was a quick dry time. I know this because as usual, I bumped my nails 2 mins later and there was no smudge. Completely dry! However, I still wasn’t impressed. “Dry fast” doesn’t always translate into a shiny finish but this one did. And, no chipping! NO CHIPPING!

So, I guess this is the last rodeo for my Deborah Lippmann top coat. Not only is Seche 12 bucks cheaper, it’s just as effective. Shop this peasant top coat at Sally Beauty Supply (with your Beauty Club Card) or Ulta (because their discounts are always lit).

You’re welcome.

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