Husband and I both hate grocery shopping. People who hate grocery shopping typically (1) don’t shop at all or (2) get what they need as quickly as possible.
Because we are pretending to be responsible adults, we go grocery shopping. Grocery shopping hasn’t always been a pain, it was a rather quick process when I shopped alone. Now that I shop with Husband, it’s hell. Why? Because he morphs into a 5-year-old. He wants stuff that’s not on the list (therefore I don’t have coupons for), tries all available samples, wanders off, and somehow runs into 122 people he knows; thereby, stopping for conversation every 3 minutes. Husband:
So, I decided to take control of things and share my advice:
- Harass spouse about grocery list at least 48 hours in advance. Let them know your list is final because you don’t have time for their crap today.
- Compose list.
- Clip coupons.
- Convince spouse that you can shop for groceries as quickly as 20 minutes IF one does not run off, add last minute items, search for samples (because you just fed them), and keep it short with nonessential people they may bump into at said grocery store.
- Shop at the grocery store you’re most familiar with.
Print the grocery store’s floorplans just in case.
- Put said spouse on basket duty. “Your only job is to push the basket. Easy, right?”
- ENTER THE STORE LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL!
- If there is more than 1 item within a short distance, it’s ok to split up. “Hey, you grab the water and I’ll grab the parmesan.” After all, you’re close enough to snatch them up if they get distracted.
- Choose the quickest checkout line (run over someone if you have to) then check out!
We entered the grocery store at 6:58 PM and finished at 7:11 PM, what a record!
You know what, this marriage thing isn’t so bad…